Where Art Thou James Bond? By Alfred N.Muggins

15/5/22

     Unfortunately James Bond had apparently just been killed off in his last film (although Alfred had not seen it yet, and probably would not see it for a few years yet, as he was always a few years behind!). This was rather unfortunate because this was just months before his services would be needed to bring down the burgeoning Dark Empire of Plutinpot, the greatest threat to the United Kingdom and the civilized West (and the East too!) since the downfall of Stalin the monster (whom Alfred had been restricted in his facebook account for calling him such in a comment, alongside Hitler! Someone (possibly a Russian troll?) must have complained and he had been chastised by Mark Zuckerberg’s great arbiter of free speech and free expression Facebook!)

    He would have to add it to his list of Political Correctness phrases which one is no longer allowed to use in the free Modern WiFi World of West and East, South and North, alongside the long since justifiably banned N word regarding people of African racial background, and the often insulting P word for people from Pakistan, and many protections for people with disabilities, women, and people of uncertain or contrary genders of all sorts, and many other national and religious cultures. It seemed that Warlord Putin was to have a new category of protection from any form of protest or slight, all of his own. It seemed that Mr Putin was to be specially protected by Facebook from being referred to as a monster! Well surely his erstwhile father by example, or by upbringing, kind Joseph Stalin could rightly be called that (and Adolf Hitler too!). He knew that unleashing unprovoked war on Ukraine and killing large numbers of civilians (and combatants!), some brutally by execution and even torture, was not quite as bad, or anywhere near as bad as the scale of what Grand Father Stalin had committed upon his own citizens of the Soviet Union and many other places in Eastern Europe!

(and even Spain and other places, during its civil war (according to George Orwell his assassinations and purges quite possibly resulted in weakening the non conservative cause and in handing that poor country over to its rebel General Franco back in the late 1930’s, thus allowing that conservative hardliner to massacre large numbers of his opponents in the Bull Rings at the end of that very un Civil War! (anyway I do apologise (once again!) for digressing!))

    Alfred did actually rightly believe that Bad Vlad Plutinpot had by now done quite enough to upset Ukraine as to fully deserve the title of Monster (a Modern Monster running amok in a world of commerce, democracy, human rights and sensibility, trashing every one of those things! Now Facebook was the unelected arbiter of what was reasonable, and it did anger him somewhat.

    Anyway I do digress don’t I? Who is going to rid this world of this Monster who brings so many dark clouds, and death to so many? Where are the superheroes when you need them? Captain America, Batman? Superman? Bond? Frodo? Spiderman? Anyone? (even Harry Potter might be able to help? with his wand!)