The Addict

It's him.

He's here.

The addict.

 

He bullied her.

Ripped her to shreds as if she were nothing.

 

He'd always enjoyed hitting her.

It made him feel alive.

Everything made sense.

But he was an addict. 

And you know what happens after a drug wears off.

The reality hits you hard.

And you feel like crap.

And feeling horrible for hurting her becomes unbearable.

 

He was never able to control those destructive emotions inside of him.

Screaming at him.

No matter how hard he tried to shut them down,

When it came to her,

He felt an utter turmoil.

 

He felt as if someone was pushing him to hurt her.

Like a predator hunting on its prey.

Like an addict who feeds on their precious obsession. 

She was his lifeline.

He felt great being the source of her misery.

Until the darkness arrived.

And it felt like thousands of knives piercing into his flesh.

Again and again.

Ripping him to shreds as if he were nothing.

And there is no one in the world who he hates more than himself.

 

One day could bring him peace,

But that same day could be his doom.

He just wishes the chatter would stop

So he wouldn't have to live in his hollowness any longer.

 

He is confused with his emotions.

He got angry at her,

Then at himself for being angry with her.

It's like an enchanted circle

That's never ending and boiling within him.

 

He hates her.

But he doesn't hate her.

He wants to hurt her.

But he wants to protect her.

Like that precious last drop of water in the driest desert.

 

She was his last drop of water.

His last salvation.

And despite everything he'd done,

Despite all the darkness and pain he'd caused her,

Despite the never ending fight against himself,

He couldn't leave her alone.

His need for her clutches and scratches at his heart, mercilessly crushing it.

 

He loved the river.

Its never ending flow fascinated him.

And its shimmering surface made him focus on its beauty,

Rather than the ugliness of his heart and emotions.

 

She loved him once.

Once upon a time she wanted to wipe away his demons.

Now after everything he's done,

It's too late.

 

Their status was like a toxic dance.

They knew it was wrong,

But at the same time it felt so right.

And they kept coming back to what kept them together,

Which was the same thing that was tearing them apart.

 

There's a song

That repeats itself over and over in his head.

He sings it with a pride that he wears shamefully across his chest.

"On the edge of crazy and sane

Because I want you again and again

I am pained, losing my soul

Until the darkness swallows me whole."