The Golden Years
Hear the mournful cry of the wounded moose as he rises from his bed.
Watch how casually he slips into the frumpy corduroy trousers of one who no longer concerns himself with fashion. 'Stretchy Comfort' is now his aging mantra.
His blue denim shirt remains fashionably untucked. 'It's well to hide the tell-tale sign of the accidental urinator,' is his motto.
Witness as he attempts, in vain, not to waken the love of his life. His godsend. His savior. His queen.
"Goddamit to hell you fool! Am I ever going to get to sleep in late on a Saturday morning! Quiet in there!"
See how humbly he then sits on his throne and swears an oath to the heavens to one day fix that squeaky floorboard.
"You goddamn better not flush in there! Do you hear me!"
As he hastens his toilet, gaze in wonder at his pearly-bright chompers -- the rising sun beating down on their porcelain beauty -- as he fetches them from their liquid bed of sea-blue denture cleanse.
His toilet done, down the stairs he goes. His dog close behind.
"And don't forget to take the dog out! He hasn't shat in two days!"
‘Pay her no mind, ‘ol fella. You’d think it was her who hasn’t shat in two days. Ha!’
Ah, the great outdoors! Man, his dog, and nature!
‘What is this I see before me?’ he utters to the dog. ‘Why, it appears that once again the leaves of summer have taken a fall! A blessing in disguise ‘ol boy. For I have once again forgotten to bring along a receptacle in which to place your smelly dung. So it shall be as it was in the beginning! Go forth, 'ol boy and unburden your bowels amongst the crinkly golden spectacle that is Autumn! Perhaps it will enhance the growth of an unknown species of plant. Or, more likely, it may simply generate a violent complaint from the neighbors. For, unless my eyes deceive me, I see before me the rising of the rakes!”
“You’re picking that up, O’Donahue!”
“Run, ‘ol boy! Run!”
“I know where you live, O’Donahue! You can’t hide! Helen! Get the leaf blower! And don’t step on the evidence!”
At the breakfast table he breathes a sigh of relief after taking a long, hard pull on his asthma medication.
Another day longer in paradise, he says to himself.
Photo Credit: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Old_Couple_(14419320883).jpg