High on Snow (Inspiration Point)

Cherry

By jennifer

Fri, 13 Mar 2009
  • 3345 reads
14 comments
 

High on Snow (IP) (13th March, 2009, 20.49pm)

Edgeless precipice;
you look down, precarious,
high on snow. I watch you.

Naïve, I stumble in the light,
troughed in some unbefitting,
angelic glow. Fractured.

Throw me a rope! I shout,
but you turn, profile to the sky,
oblivious. Can you have heard?

My voice echoes, abounds,
resounds in the valley of regret.
Is choice controllable?

My broken bones grate upon
my wounded, scarlet pride.
Balance is everything. My epithet.

Is this the high life? A divide.
Where did the rent go? You
rolled it up in notes, I’ll bet.

Treacherous, these slippery
slopes, and I’m not steady yet.
Snakes and ladders. I’ll be Adam,

but I’ll say no, like all the good
kids do. High on snow, you watch
me now, as I mend and rise.

Certificate PG
Mind Stew (2009)
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Captivated ... 'high on snow' is how I feel after reading this. Love the imagery throughout. "Is this the high life? A divide. Where did the rent go? You rolled it up in notes, I’ll bet." ... has to be my very favourite stanza;-) T x

 

Submitted by littleditty on
High on Snow, great title and refrain, wondered if you feel 'controllable' is the exact right word there? like the echo of sounds, a song- story develops through the show of feelings, liked this read :)

 

Submitted by Curse of 222 on
very nice flow and imagery. i could probably read it 100 times and still find something else to like about it. 222?

jason

Submitted by jennifer on
Thank you folks - Tina - 'Captivated' is quite a compliment, thank you! littleditty - thank you for the comment - can you suggest another word you think might be better? Cof22 - again, huge compliment, thank you! J x

 

Submitted by Ewan on
Without knowing what you had in mind, it's hard to suggest an alternative, Jen. I quite like the question 'is choice conceivable?' but, like I say, it depends what you had in mind.

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by Dynamaso on
Can't add much more except to say I like 'controllable'. Excellent rise to the IP.

 

Submitted by jennifer on
I had control in mind, hence 'controllable' - the idea that you cannot control others' actions so that you feel out of control of them and also the way their choices affect your lives, and also the way that heart trumps head and there isn't a choice about who we love, even if such love is unhealthy. Plus, the lack of control that comes with addiction...and watching an addict...addiction to both to snow and to love, I suppose! It's an extremely personal poem, thankfully, I am back in control of my heart these days! J x

 

Submitted by Ewan on
Well, there aren´t a great many alternatives, then, are there? ;-) I liked it as it was anyway... not sure why there was a problem with ´controllable´, it´s not the most beautiful word, but clearly it was the right one. Ewan x

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Submitted by jennifer on
I think the word 'circumlocution' could be applied to my argument! Haha! J x

 

Submitted by Ewan on
Dickens' greatest invention; the Office of Circumlocution. Madoff = Merdles: Gosh, we are in 'The New Curiosity Shop'! Ewan x

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by littleditty on
ditto Ewan, i wondered what you meant and if you felt it was the right word there, but understand better now- I had thought, Is choice free? as alternative way of asking some questions there- as you say, a personal poem :)

 

Submitted by jennifer on
The trouble with 'free' is that it implies monetary value as well as freedom, whereas 'control' is much less ambiguous. But thanks for the suggestion, ld, and for checking back! J x

 

Submitted by staticshakedown on
Wonderful poem. I liked how in the third stanza the narrator had a role in the story.

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Why thank you, static, a role, but not a happy one! Haha! J x