Billy Nuisance and the Insurance
Wow, that was a stroke of luck that cheque coming through. Two and half grand for the whiplash scam. Billy Nuisance was driving when that wanker hit us up the arse, course we both said we had neck problems, saw the doctor, filled out the forms and then today a lovely cheque comes through the door. Sweet!
A drink to celebrate, that first one never touched the sides.
“Over here darling, Stella and a large scotch please, oh and Billy’s just come in, get him the same”
“Hello Billy me son, lovely touch, did you get your cheque as well this morning?”
“Yep, in the Bank already, thought I’d find you here celebrating”
“Yep a couple in here then off to the dogs for the afternoon, turn that couple of grand into four or five!”
“Do you need any tracksuits mate got a load of that SuperDry shit, sell for about a ton, I’m doing em for forty quid”
“No I’m alright Billy not my sort of gear”
“What about big jackets, got a load of those, great copies, you’d think they were the real thing, North Arse or something”
“Face, Billy, they’re called North Face!”
“Yeh that’s it North Face, fantastic gear, reckon they wear it in the North Pole, everyone’s having some, what size are you?”
Jesus, he really does live up to his name Billy Nuisance, once he starts he IS a fucking nuisance!
“No I’m OK Bill honestly, got loads of coats; I’ve got more coats than fucking Dulux!”
“What about DVDs, got all the latest, even got Tinker, Sailor, Beggarman, Spy”
“No, I’ve seen it Bill, went to the pictures the other week and saw it, good film”
“Yeh me and the missus watched it the other night, that Gary Goldman is terrific”
“No he aint, he’s only in his forties, Jim Hurt is old sure, he’s been about for donkeys but not Gary he’s still quite young”
“Whatever Billy, I need to get going or I’ll miss the first race”
“No way, today we’re celebrating, another round darling please”
Fuck me he’s a nightmare!
“OK Billy one more than I have to go, cheers mate”
“What about jewellery, got loads of LINKS stuff, really good copies, sell for about two fifty, I’m doing em for a ton”
“No I’m ok Bill”
“No, Bill I’m fine”
“Wellington Boots got all sizes, from 6 up to 13. It’s what the rich people wear, you know, the green welly brigade”
“No I’m fine Billy, that was lovely Bill, really nice to catch up, gotta go now Mate, got money to win, see you later”
“Okay, but don’t forget about the boots, I’ll bring round a pair for you to try on tomorrow!”
“What a fucking nuisance”