Memo to a new Labour MP Regarding Israel’s Latest Atrocity
By Kilb50
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When the cameras roll and your interviewer
begins her challenging questions
look concerned.
Furrow your brow; slowly nod your head.
Give the impression you’re a living,
breathing, emotive human being.
Use elusive, mournful words such as: incident;
tragedy; heartbreaking.
Avoid at all times words that might offend –
murder; resistance; or (heaven forbid) genocide.
After all, you don’t want to be accused
of harbouring certain prejudices, do you ?
The IDF will release their usual statement –
targeted; operation; terrorists; all precautions taken.
Refer back to this. Take their lies seriously.
Say you’re anticipating (Not looking forward to!)
a thorough investigation of the circumstances
which allowed this to happen.
There will, of course, be no investigation.
Independent reporters have been banned.
Most Palestinian journalists have been killed.
The truth is whatever the IDF says it is.
Please, don’t call Netanyahu a psychopath.
What we say in the tea rooms remains confidential.
And when the interviewer mentions
arms sales, say (with a deft wave of your hand)
‘Oh no, it's very, very in-conse-quential – a paltry one per cent.’
Don’t mention the International Court of Justice.
Don’t mention the death toll.
Don't mention the weekly worldwide protests.
Furrow your brow again; talk instead
about intimidation and free speech.
Remind viewers
of the poor student who was too scared
to cross the road. The PM needs to keep
Telegraph readers on his side.
Finally, stress that we’re committed, like the US,
to a two state solution.
Then, when the cameras have stopped rolling,
you can relax, loosen your tie, treat yourself to a brandy.
It’s a tough gig but somebody has to do it.
Remember: We are committed to a two state solution.
Do try and keep a straight face.
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Comments
Quite.
Quite.
'Do try and keep a straight face.'
...and hide the other one.
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Needs saying, over and over
Needs saying, over and over
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Well chosen words in your
Well chosen words in your poem, which explain exactly how so many politicians, and the media allow this awful carnage to persist, without actually doing anything very useful to cause it to end, or at least to moderate it. It is as if we have all become hypocrites. We have lost so much of the moral high ground now, and western civilisation is being revealed for what it perhaps really is, a sponge without a backbone, full of hot air, and without sufficient concern to intervene in any constructive way.
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Can't help wondering how much
Can't help wondering how much 'War is good for business' comes into decision-making, too. Greased palms, donors with influence. Snouts in the trough. And fear of the media/establishment wielding the old 'anti-semitism' brickbats again.
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I do think 'War is good for
I do think 'War is good for business' comes into decision making, and particularly in America, but also from political lobbying by pro Israeli government lobbyists and supporters. In the eyes of so many israel can do no wrong it seems, even when it does and has done wrong. Obviously Hamas is not blameless, but so many people believe any support for Palestinians or their causes is akin to support for 'terrorism', even though Israel has in many ways, and through their history, has committed many acts which could be called terrorism, and many which break international rules and the principles of fairness.
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It must be hard for a
It must be hard for a politician, having to halve your vocabulary so you only use 'acceptable' words for what is going on. Having to tread on eggshells in case an inappropriate word can lose you the party whip or the business that war is good for. Having to look at yourself in the mirror every day.
History will judge, of course, but it'll be a bit bloody late.
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