THE BEANO (IP)
‘Oy, Elsie, ain’t you ready yet?’
Said Albert, looking worried.
‘I’m almost done, just sort yourself –
You know I can’t be hurried’.
‘Our Ruthie’s waiting at the door,
The kids are standing with her
The charabanc has just arrived
It’s parked up near the river’.
It’s Beano day in Bermondsey
All are dressed in Sunday best,
There’s workers, children, Grandad too
With his medals on his chest.
They’re all off to Southend-on-mud
A day out! Can’t be late!
Some kids have never seen the sea
And they can hardly wait.
Halfway there they have a stop
For beer, and squash, and tea
And stand for ages in the queue
At the carsey, for a wee.
Then off they go, all singing now
Songs needing no rehearsal,
And they all cheer when into view
Comes the coach park by the Kursaal.
Some head off for the mile long pier
Some go to beach or pub;
Some paddle in the murky sea
Until it’s time for grub.
There’s sandwiches full of actual sand
But Dad wants jellied eels
So off he pops to the eel-pie shop -
However sick he feels.
The day is done, they’re on the coach
Some sleeping, heading home.
Mum snores so loud she wakes herself
And finds that she’s alone.
‘My Albert’s gone’ she cries aloud,
Sounding quite irate.
The driver says: ‘I can’t turn back,
My morning trip’s Margate'.
They soon got home, and Elsie wept
In anger more than sorrow;
‘Ruthie said ‘He will be home
All safe and sound tomorrow’.
All night they waited, sipping tea
Ruth said: ‘he’s prob’ly drunk’
Mum was sure she’d see him no more,
Convinced he’d done a bunk.
And she was right; he’d taken flight
And dumped his nagging wife;
Now he felt happy, young and free
For the first time in his life.
Down at Southend on the front
It’s true, Albert got tipsy.
But he’d gone and had his fortune told –
And run off with the Gipsy!