Chadpocalypse - 3:7 Crazy Train

On a roll here! Think I should be able to post about a chapter a day until this is finished. We've got eight left after this one including the epilogue.

Need to catch up? Check out the collection here:https://www.abctales.com/collection/chadpocalypse

Previous Chapter
 

3:7 Crazy Train

The train station stood as a massive terminal sandwiched between skyscrapers. Two tracks came out of the building, heading in opposite directions, snaking between the tall buildings before curving out of sight. Chad whistled and wiped the demon gore off his hands. “I suppose we can skip the appeals process.”

     “Yeah, I think that’s best.” The cherub’s voice had developed a slight tremor.

     Chad looked at the creature and noticed beads of sweat on its brow. As the cherub tried to fly forward, he moved in a lazy zigzag pattern, dipping dangerously close to the ground. Blood dripped from beneath the makeshift tourniquet they had created. “You sure you’re going to be alright?”

     “Well, I’ve only been a demon for a few days, and I’m pretty sure I’ve messed it up royally.” The cherub landed on Chad’s shoulder, gripping the suit jacket with his grubby little hands.

     Chad resisted the urge to shake him off. “Well, I’d say I feel bad, but I really don’t.” The memory of the apartment complex still stuck in his mind, leaving him with a pervading sense of melancholy. Probably would have killed the pissant if I didn’t need him to get to Lucifer.

     “No, I don’t blame you,” the cherub panted. “What was going on with your fist back there?”

     Chad thought back to the glowing heat that had radiated from it as he dished out justice in the lobby. “I think it means someone upstairs still has my back.”

     The cherub vomited in a black stream off Chad’s shoulder. “Can you knock it off with all the divine nonsense? I liked you better when you were just a miserable drunk killing demonic entities.”

     Together they made their way out of the throng of eternal congestion and up the steps to the main doors of the train station. Chad was on edge, expecting another psychological trick, but none came. Instead, the building they entered felt like just another plain Midway station. The only difference was, when they hopped the turnstiles, no one came beating down the hall after them. It almost felt too easy.

     In the main concourse there were two signs. One pointed to the left and read ‘Deeper’, the other read ‘What are you, chicken? Go deeper.’

     “At least the theming is consistent,” remarked Chad, taking the left-hand path.

     The cherub whimpered nervously from his shoulder, looking around. “Do you feel like this is a little too easy?”

     “Maybe word got around.”

     They arrived at an empty platform with not another soul in sight. As if on cue, a train shot into the station like a bullet, trailing sparks and flames. It was an old steam locomotive belching smoke into the station with every inch it moved. The skeletal conductor could barely be seen through the soot-stained window at the front.     A short whistle blew from the train’s front end and the doors groaned open.

The insides were empty. “What? No one uses public transportation down here?” Chad’s suspicion deepened.

     “I don’t think that’s the usual train.”

     Chad looked at it. “Fits the bill of train from Hell.”

     The train’s conductor blew another impatient blast from the steam horn. In the distance, Chad heard an alarm sound, followed by a hungry growling that he didn’t want to contend with. He looked up at the cherub. “That’s probably for us. With or without you, I’m getting on this train.”

     The cherub moaned miserably as Chad walked but did not flutter away. Across the concourse, a full team of demons in dark suits burst into the building and came charging toward the train. “They’re trying to escape!” Hundreds of scrabbling claws clacked across the smooth train station floor.

     Chad stepped on the train and the doors closed almost immediately. The interior had been done in an older style with plush couches taking the place of traditional plastic bench seats. Small electric chandeliers hung from the ceiling and Chad made a point to sit as far away from them as possible.  They swayed with menace as the train pulled out of the station.

     A veritable horde of demons piled up outside the train’s windows, pounding to get in. The glass windows buckled, but did not break. Chad looked the nearest demon in the eye and gave him the finger. Gunshots rang out, ricocheting off the glass and striking some of the demons on their return arcs. Before the demons could find anything stronger, the train picked up speed and left the station.

     Soon, they were winding their way through the bowels of Gentrification City. Below, Chad watched as the commuters continued about their daily grind, completely unaware of the battle that had taken place. The sound of horns and sinners’ cries were drowned out by the rhythmic chugging of the train. He let out a deep sigh, hoping that the worst was behind them, but knew it wasn’t.

     “Good afternoon everyone,” came voice from hidden loudspeakers. “We are now leaving Gentrification City. If you look to our left as we pass through, you might catch a glimpse of the Sands of Passive Aggression but do watch out for those nasty worms.” The voice chuckled good-naturedly. “Ordinarily, we’d be pulling into the Endless Pools of Tax Evasion as our next stop, but we’re on an abbreviated course this afternoon.”

     “It’s afternoon?” Chad looked out the red sky and couldn’t see any difference.

     “Yes, Chad, it’s afternoon,” replied the voice.

     Chad started.

     “Come on, by now, you should have realized this isn’t an ordinary train.” The train whistle blew outside, and black smoke washed by the windows. As it did, the exterior color scheme changed from red to green. They were passing by massive courthouses surrounded by bubbling pits of lava. “Better catch a glimpse while you can and remember cheating on your taxes is a one-way ticket.” The conductor blew the horn again.

     The cherub prodded Chad’s shoulder. “Hey buddy, the conductor knows who you are.”

     “That’s right, I do,” boomed the voice of the conductor. “But I also know you, little one. They didn’t even bother to give you a name, did they?”

     The cherub whimpered in response.

     “What a sad sack you’ve become. I’m sure The Devil will have a thing or two to say about that. Killing your own kind, breaking the demon-sinner relationship, loitering on Earth…”

     Chad eyed the demon suspiciously. “Don’t get to thinking now is the time to prove yourself.” Chad’s fist ignited with bright white light again.

     “Ah yes, there it is, the power we were warned about. Some sort of intervention from above, you think? Well, as an agent of Hell I don’t put much stock up above.”

     Black smoke flew by the window again, and this time didn’t clear. Outside was complete darkness, extending in an endless void. “To both your right and your left, you’ll see a void. We’re in the process of revamping this rung, but in the meantime, it’s a great place to put artists. Complete sensory deprivation and nowhere to put their creative genius. Really drives them mad!”

     “Can you just get to the point already? I have been put down and kicked by both Heaven and Hell at this point, and I’m tired of it!”

     “Chad, do—” The cherub started, but Chad flicked him hard, sending the tiny creature sprawling.

     “I just wanted to live a simple life where I could drink myself to an early grave, but no, you all had to have your apocalypse! I watched friends die, and I didn’t even have friends before. You’ve taken my life and made it so miserably, infinitely worse that dying repeatedly in Hell isn’t even that bad. Your hotels are shit, and if I can’t get to Satan to talk about this, then we are going to have a serious problem.” Chad’s face grew red, he thought from anger, but then noticed the heat in the train rising.

     Outside, the darkness of the void grew to a dull red and he could see flames licking in the distance.

     “Don’t you worry, Chad. There’s a reason this train is on an express route today. He already knows you’re coming, and I think he might have even made a special appointment…”