Vicious

Cherry

By maggyvaneijk

Wed, 17 Aug 2011
  • 4794 reads
20 comments
 

I tore that girl apart in the
backseat of my brother’s car
dope-smoke camouflaged us until

icebox eyes met mine and I cried
because she wasn’t who I thought
she was

and she ran to the train
her face, freckled with
stains

this isn’t love or anything like it
or anything that tries to be
like it and fails

my disorganized heart
opens up and blasts apart
and my brain alone
is too chemically
confused so please,
tell me what to do

I haven’t slept
in weeks

reality soaked –
in liquid lead and
I’ve fallen in love
with a card-board box
that looks pretty in
the moonlight but it isn’t
what it really is, it isn’t

I scribble and scratch the backs
of beer mats but I can’t make them
slur their S’s like you

this is what I’m made of
this and fear that I’ll be wheeled
off under sirens and
electric shocks
and I fight
with men
to check
that I’m alive, I don’t know
blood on my shirt, dust-purple
patches and a split lip
does
that
constitute a beat?

Certificate 15
Poem
Drama

Comments

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Thanks Rachel, I just got a big fat rejection slip on this one so I'm glad you like it.

 

Submitted by RachelPatricia on
Oh, Maggy. I can't think of much more than oh, Maggy, at the minute - you've floored me! ;) I won't copy/paste, I swear I won't. But seriously, how do you do it?! No, actually, I don't want to know - the mystery only adds to the overall appeal. You're a top-class poet, Miss Van Eijk, you really are - this is blinding and brutal and beautiful and I loved it, thank you SO much :) Rachel xx

Submitted by RachelPatricia on
You're joking?! That's ridiculous. Did you send it to a comp or a mag? I will be boycotting whichever from this moment on! Plonkers - they'll be kicking themselves in a few years when your name's in lights somewhere, they really will. Hope it hasn't disheartened you and that you keep hold of that slip regardless - it's proof that you're a doer and not a dreamer and one day you'll be able to laugh at them and look back at where you started from and realise jut how far you've come. I'll shut up with the agony-aunt crap now and leave some space for all the amazing feedback you're going to get for this - you know what I'm like, sorry! Again, a beautiful read. Your talent is inspiring and I know in my heart that it won't be long until it'll be you sending out the rejection slips - keep rockin', Maggy, you do it so well :) Rachel xx

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
I've sent out a batch of poems last week and they've all had the "no" oh well the chances are always so slim anyway. But, thanks so much for your comment, I may print it out and hang it over my desk. I always appreciate your kind words, you are the ultimate cheerleader :)

 

Submitted by celticman on
I don't know why rejection slips are big and fat. Maybe its more like a bruise that shall fade. I don't know much about poetry, but I'm with Pirsig on this one. I think your poetry is just that hard to pin down think called quality which most people innately pick up on. I've some other words of advice, but I forgot them. They faded away and like your rejection slip, in time, it won't matter, because quality speaks for itself.

 

Submitted by RachelPatricia on
*shaking my pom-poms* Any time, Maggy ;)

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Thanks Celtic, that's a better comment than a "woop woop", I really appreciate it.

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
I don't know much about poetry, either. I just know that I'm loving yours. (I do know rejection, though. It stinks. Actually that's a typo. I meant to say stings. Both words fit, though.) Always a pleasure to find something new from you, Maggy. Rich

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Hi maggy, don't know if this will help, but my theory is, that rejection will only make you a stronger writer, because you must never give up hope. You are gifted and have a great talant that you should be very proud of. Now on this piece, well you put it under drama, and that's exactly how I read it, 'very dramatic.' Wonderful piece. Jenny.

 

Submitted by Highhat on
"I scribble and scratch the backs of beer mats but I can’t make them slur their S’s like you " well I had to copy/paste because this was the best stanza of a best poem Maggy sorry about the rejection- what bozos! They don't know talent when it's staring them in the face. ;)Pia

Submitted by whiskey-corsage on
Yes, yes, I love this. And don't worry too much about the rejection, believe me, this is gorgeous. 'icebox eyes'? Wow! Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. -William Wordsworth

-Raven (:
--
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. -William Wordsworth

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Thanks everyone so much for your kind words!

 

Submitted by Overthetop1 on
Who in their tiny brain could not see this is genius. If this got a rejection we might as well all give up. What more do they want. Well it sure does it for me anyhow Maggy. I suppose a cherry is scant consolation but that and the comments really do say something - so hold onto your dreams.

Overthetop1

Submitted by seashore on
You sure are a one-off Maggy - don't ever stop writing, keep letting it flow.....

Submitted by barryj1 on
I read it and then I went back and read it again and then I read it a third time for good measure. Cripes - you sure can write!

barryj1

Submitted by shoe on
I'm with all of the above, this is a fabulous poem, as for rejection, I don't think it's a reflection on the quality of your writing, more about what they (the editors?) are looking for, their target audience and other inconsequential things.

 

Submitted by oldpesky on
To be so good so young is a wondrous thing. Time is on your side and great success will surely come sooner than later.

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
This is so powerful, Maggy - especially that first stanza, just WOW! Don't worry about your rejection - I've had plenty too, but every now and again, we get lucky, so keep trying! JK Rowling and Sylvia Plath both had at least a dozen rejection slips before they finally made it ;-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Glummo on
excellent

Submitted by msiagirl on
Lovely strong voice :)