The Appliance Of Science

As a child I lived in a dingy corner of the local library. You may have seen me there sat, cross-legged, on the floor reading old books on philosophy, religion and science. Trying to find answers.

I used to wonder why no-one ever simply printed the answers in their books - they often promised to but never actually delivered.
Oh, occasionally you would come across a book which did purport to contain all the answers but checking with other, similar, sources it would turn out to be simple opinion carefully listing the arguments in its favour while disregarding or totally avoiding evidence which didn’t fit..

Being naïve I decided that those who really KNEW were simply keeping it to themselves.
It finally dawned on me that maybe the answers were there it was simply that I didn’t understand them.

In the end I chose science over the rest because it seemed that at least scientists could agree.
The more modern books were somewhere else and it appeared that science believed that the Universe was simply constructed of three things.
Protons, Neutrons and Electrons; Positive, Neutral and Negative.

It seemed as if combining a Proton and an Electron might produce a Neutron so my Universe was quite simple. It fitted well with the religious Trinity of several major religions and it was philosophically pleasing.

Around this time I began to take an interest in girls. So, I was quite disappointed to find no books on kissing. I concluded that it couldn’t be very important if there were no books about it so I reluctantly stayed in my little corner of the library reading philosophy.
AS science and religion seemed to have fairly well explained the Universe I was now interested in what my role in it might be and how to be happy.

Quite by chance, I expect, I found a book on swimming misfiled in my little corner.
It was written by some scientist who had a theory that we were all descended from Atlanteans and hence our babies still carried the genetic information which allowed them to swim like fish .

He didn’t explain why the ability to swim is lost and so we need to learn to do it again.
In fact he couldn’t swim himself but gave a quite long account explaining exactly what was necessary to swim which he had deduced from long observation of people who could swim.

Looking at the pictures of girls in their swimming costumes it occurred to me that swimming might be a good way to learn more about kissing… in a way I was right.

I eventually managed to force myself to the local baths and stumbled through the strange ritual of changing cubicles and showers. Finally I leap into the water and it’s nothing like the book said!
I try to perform the frog like motions as described but with little success and start to drown…
Everything goes blurred and panic stricken for a few bright moments that last for hours and then strong arms pull me from the water, punch me in the stomach and then warm lips are pressed to mine.
I opened my eyes to see a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes which pulled back to reveal blonde hair and a lovely face. “Are you alright” she asked “I’m wonderful.” I replied.

From that day to this I’ve had a lot more faith in kissing than scientists!