SOME HAIKU

Cherry

By well-wisher

Wed, 06 Jul 2011
  • 2741 reads
12 comments
 

We gather brambles
while the clouds above grow black.
Soon sweet rain will flow.

Curly clouds part and
let the bright June sun shine through
to warm my bald spot.

My pumpkin lantern
sits at the window and glares
at the moon above.

People, in their cars,
vroom fast past the old graveyard.
Where are they going?

Blackbird cutlery;
our spade digs for potatoes
and turns up earthworms.

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Comments

Submitted by Highhat on
I wonder what blackbird cutlery is? It's sounds good.

Submitted by well-wisher on
Thanks, pia. When you're digging for potatoes, the blackbirds gather round because they know that your spade will turn up earthworms for them. Indirectly,your spade is feeding them and so, the spade is the blackbird cutlery, like a spoon or a fork for the blackbirds. I hope all that makes sense.

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
nice one well-wisher, thoroughly enjoyed this poem, I liked your answer to Pia. Jenny.

 

Submitted by well-wisher on
Thankyou, Jenny. The first and third of these haiku have appeared in a magazine so I'm glad that you and pia both liked one of the rejected ones. I do like Blackbirds and they seem very friendly/comfortable around humans.

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Submitted by celticman on
blackbird cutlery stopped me in my tracks, but the first stanza is my favourite.

 

Submitted by ScoZen on
Hello WW. I'm a fan of Haiku and attempting to learn, how to do. I enjoyed this one. regards. ps. Well done on the cherry.
ScoZen

Submitted by well-wisher on
Thanks, ScoZen but, to be honest, I know that these are not good haiku. I'm not really a hundred percent sure how to write a proper haiku although I've pondered alot by Basho and others. The structure's simple enough but saying something profound in the haiku form is very difficult. ps. Is the Zen in ScoZen a reference to Zen buddhism?

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Submitted by ScoZen on
Hello WW. I agree with LGM's comment. They do say keeping to the strict 5-7-5 syllable count can be difficult at the best of times. I say, just keep sending them in, I like them. You may find this web site of interest to you. It's all about Haiku/ Tanka /Renga etc. Alan Summers "With Words" also has a site called Area 17. All brilliant stuff. re the Zen. The Sco bit is taken from Scotland and the Zen bit is somewhat lacking at the moment.
ScoZen

Submitted by well-wisher on
Thankyou, celticman. It is based upon brambles with long prickly vines that grow in my garden.

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Submitted by L G Meadows on
I think they are good, rules for poetry, and everything else literary, are meant to be broken!

 

Submitted by L G Meadows on
PS. really liked the term 'blackbird cutlery' thought it was inspired!

 

Submitted by A-Thai-Buddhist on
"...and the Zen bit is somewhat lacking at the moment." And THAT is what makes it so Zen :) But seriously, I do like the haikus. I don't know the formal rules really except 5-7-5 and had a teacher who said something like 7-9-7 but that teacher also said lots of things that never turned out true. Anyway, I also just wanted to say that my favorites haikus are where the whole concept is wrapped up in one verse. I'm not saying that is the best or only way to do it. Just that is my favorite kind. And one more thing, if you have a good resource for Buddhist haikus (especially Zen ones) please post it here or contact me.