Mirror Angels - re-written
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By london_calling79
- 3915 reads
Sometimes, I think you boys were angels before.
I wonder did you watch us with lamp-like eyes absorbing
every fault and gaudy cloying moment;
every too-hot sticky summer’s worth
of heady sugar-fed haze that led
on to cracked ground wintering-down
when we walked the Thames those precious times?
I felt your forgiving gaze back then
as you both lay cloud-bound
shaking your heads, swapping knowing squints
tuts, half-smiles and nods
at us, meandering in circled streams of time.
Things were in the shimmer-haze then,
the wolves still far from the door,
we lay simpler in our innocence;
yet to fall together.
But you two were always there,
shuffling up to make more room?
You’ll never tell us, you’re not the type
but we hope you’re not the last.
Other times I think you know it all,
that you’ve both been here before.
Your gaze must have skipped like flat, blue stones
over many knitted souls.
You chose instead to come to us
with puffy fists all stuffed with love.
What did you ever see in me?
Was it because she said she’d given up?
Once she knelt at a toddler’s knee,
tended, listened, met her gaze.
In it, one mirror angel swam in salt.
Since then, I’ve always known.
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Comments
write a story
Am I the only being denied access to 'Write a story'? Any ideas?
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There is a limit of three
There is a limit of three stories or poems per day. Could it be that?
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I fear this falls short
of what it could be. You need to carefully edit for places where when read aloud it doesn't run right.
things like: 'Did you watch us with your lamp-like eyes' to 'Did you watch with lamp-like eyes'
which makes it more direct and connects better.
maisie Guess what? I'm still alive!
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its better...
personally I have an itch when people use so many 'ings' especially close together... so there's a thought for you, using an 'ing' puts the whole thing in the past tense. Do you want that?
maisie Guess what? I'm still alive!
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I agree with you
Poetry is all about personal taste, issues and choice, which is what makes it so readable.
I was giving you my feelings about it, and that's all this is, it's at the end of the day, all yours :)
I'm glad you're strong enough to point it out!
Love maisie.
maisie Guess what? I'm still alive!
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Lovely and sentimental, like
Lovely and sentimental, like a victorian valentine to babes, something for them to treasure when they are older and something for you to remember if they try you in the future.
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I love the easy
I love the easy conversational tone of this - adds to the honesty and the fact that's it's real, not contrived. 'with puffy fists all stuffed with love' - that's precious!
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