Can't Take My Eyes Off You (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 41)

Continued from Episode 40 - 'Storm in a Teacup'

The story so far (you can read from the start at 'Episode 1 - Board Stiff!'):  Josiah and Archibald, our two Undertakers, are on a mission to Spain to collect the mortal remains of Sir Lewisham Carnock.  The ferry journey they are now on is taking a lot longer than anticipated, due to the storm conditions.  Of course, as they say, it's an ill wind...and this longer stay does, at least, give Detectives Stone and Wood more time to keep a close eye on their suspected 'conspirators':

 

“I feel like a right muppet!” Frankie grumbled as Chantelle fussed around him.

“Stop moaning and stand still!” Chantelle snapped as she tried to wipe down Frankie’s badly stained, and very dirty, suit.  “There, that’s got most of the pepperoni off, along with God-knows what else.” She stood back to admire her handiwork, “You almost look respectable!”

“Do I ‘ave to get all ponced up again?  I still don’t see why I can’t lie low in ‘ere, with you”

“I’ve told you why not!”  Chantelle folded her arms, frowned and eyed Frankie sternly.  “The Undertakers are going to want to come in here at some point, which they’re entitled to, seeing as how they’re paying for it, and outside this cabin you could bump into them detectives, now couldn’t you?”  Chantelle thought it prudent to sound like the ‘dumb blonde’ of Frankie’s imagination, whenever she was in conversation with him.

“Alright” Frankie agreed, miserably, “but ‘ow are you going to get me back to that coffin, eh?”

“Leave it to me, Frankie.  I have a plan!”

* * * *

 

“This is a total waste of time!” D.I. Wood muttered, as he turned back from his observation of Josiah and Archibald, via a gap between the headrests of the recliner chairs, “they’re not going anywhere from the look of things.  All I can see is Lurch fidgeting and the other one reading his magazine.  Much like you, now I come to think of it!”  This last sentence addressed to his subordinate, who was sitting quietly next to him.

“I’m sorry sir, what did you say?” D.S. Stone tore himself away from an interesting article on fossil finds on the south coast.

“I said, I’m getting a crick in my neck watching those two doing precisely nothing, while you’re sitting here doing the same!”

“It was your turn” D.S. Stone pointed out, in a hurt tone.

“This isn’t a good use of our resources, Stoney” D.I. Wood shook his head, “it don’t take two of us to watch two of them.  I reckon you should schlep off to Doreen’s cabin and keep an eye on what’s going on there, since you’re such a fan”

“Oh, do I have to, sir?” D.S. Stone whined, “what can she possibly get up to if those two are in here?”

“Well, that’s what you can observe and find out, can’t you Sergeant?”  D.I. Wood grinned.

“Why me?” D.S. Stone complained.

“Because, Detective Sergeant, you know where it is, don’t you?”  D.I. Wood pointed out, with a beaming smile.

* * * *

 

“Ok, now listen” Chantelle turned and wagged her finger at Frankie as he went to follow her to the door, “you stick to me like glue, when we leave here.  We’ll make out like we’re a courting couple, alright, all hugging and kissing, so no-one can get a good look at you, ok?”

“Sounds good to me, Lace” Frankie grinned, lasciviously.

“When we get back to that door, where I found you, we’ll park ourselves in the seats along the corridor.  You’ll need to be behind a pillar or something and I’ll find a magazine, or whatever, you can pretend to read”

“I can read!” Frankie protested.

“Yeah, yeah, I know” Chantelle sighed, although she had her doubts, “this is just to hide your face from any prying eyes, get it?”

“Ok” Frankie nodded, moodily. “I still don’t see how I’m going to get through that service door, though”

“Leave that to me.  Somebody’s got to come through that door, sooner or later.  As soon as they do, I’ll collar them and get them talking.  Then you can dive back through the door and scarper back to the coffin, pronto, yeah?”

“I ain’t happy, Lace!” Frankie grumbled.

“I know you’re not, Frankie” Chantelle replied, sympathetically, patting his lapels, “but it’s only for a little while.  As soon as we’re clear of the port, I’ll find a way of getting you out and then you can get on with your plan, can’t you?”

“What about you?”

“I’ve told the Undertakers I’m going back to my uni,  to talk about my course, so I’ll have to go along with that, else they’ll get suspicious, won’t they?” Chantelle smiled sweetly, whilst thinking that, in that time she could change her appearance, change her name and vanish out of Frankie’s life, forever.  “Right, I’ll have a quick shufti to make sure the coast’s clear, ok?  Then you follow me”

Chantelle opened the door enough to put her head through, looked to the left, then to the right, gasped and threw herself back into the room, slamming the door behind her.

“’Ere, what’s the game?” Frankie mumbled, dabbing at a nose that had unexpectedly come into violent contact with a door.

“One of those detectives!  He’s loitering down the corridor” Chantelle hissed, her back pressed to the door.

“Oh well, that’s that then!” Frankie threw himself back down onto the bottom bunk, “I’m going to ‘ave to stay ‘ere, ain’t I?”  He grinned, broadly.

“Think again, Frankie” Chantelle said, through gritted teeth, “think again, that ain’t going to happen!”

* * * *

 

D.S. Stone had been happily occupied with his article, when the slamming of a cabin door had caused him to look up, urgently.  There was nothing to see, but that had been the case ever since he had taken up his post here, attempting to look nonchalant whilst lurking in this empty corridor, for no apparent reason. 

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t pointed out the pitfalls of mounting a surveillance operation, in this location, to his superior.  When he’d followed ‘Lurch’ before, that had been a different story, he hadn’t had to hang around for very long in order to see him visit the two cabins.  Now, just loitering here with no-one about, he stuck out like a sore thumb.

He decided to vary things a little and stroll a short way along the corridor, so that he wasn’t quite so obvious.  He had just sauntered a few paces, when a tap on his shoulder made him visibly jump a foot off the floor.  He spun around, to find himself face to face with the delightful Chantelle.

“Detective Sergeant…Stone, isn’t it?”  She smiled sweetly.

“Why, Miss Lace, you startled me!” D.S. Stone panted.

“I don’t suppose I should creep up on a Detective like that, should I?”  She raised a perfectly formed eyebrow, “You might have thrown me over your shoulder and pinned me to the floor” She said, huskily, and shivered, deliciously.

D.S. Stone considered this scenario for a moment and blushed deeply.

“I hardly think so, miss” He mumbled.

“Whatever brings you to be on this ferry, Sergeant?  I assumed you would be flying back”

“Ah, well,” D.S. Stone looked around, as if expecting someone to be in earshot, “we’re in pursuit of a convicted criminal, that’s as much as I can tell you, at the moment” D.S. Stone bit his lip as he wondered if he had said more than he should have done.

“A convicted criminal!” Chantelle looked horrified, “on this ship?”

“Well, we suspect that might be the case” D.S. Stone felt distinctly hot under the collar, “however, please don’t say anything to anyone else.  We wouldn’t want to start a panic now, would we?”

“Oh my, now I’m going to be terrified to go about on my own!” Chantelle grabbed D.S. Stone’s arm, turned him around and began to propel him back down the corridor, “you’ll keep me company on the way to the restaurant, won’t you Sergeant?”

“Erm, well I….” D.S. Stone began, but realised how difficult it was to be insistent about anything when a beautiful, and minimally dressed, young lady was clutching your arm and staring intently into your eyes.  He gave up.  After all, he had been sent to observe Chantelle…no, Doreen as the boss insisted on calling her, and you couldn’t observe her more closely than when she was a fraction of an inch from you.  All in all, he reflected, it could be a lot worse.

For the latest news about Josiah and Archibald, have a look at my blog post

Now read Part 42