The Oil Refinery
By love_writing
- 6726 reads
Thanks all for feedback this is getting sent for submission now :)
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Comments
Aye, Grangemouth Bowling Club
Aye, Grangemouth Bowling Club has produced a few spanners.
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2nd
person narration is notoriously difficult to pull off, but you've managed it well. What I like so much about what you do is the vast swathes of subtext, the gaps between the lines that are so tempting to fill and that we are unlikely to get wrong because you write so well.
Splendid.
Ewan
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Lovely piece of writing. As
Lovely piece of writing. As Ewan says, so much that is unwritten but so very clearly said. My Dad worked at Grangemouth Refinery, aeons before the Kelpies, my earliest memories are of living there. So a bit of nostalgia for this reader!
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My mate works in there now
My mate works in there now and my brother lives beside it.
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OK...so now you've had me
OK...so now you've had me Google mapping my old address, and Zetland Park, and the church hall where I was sent to dance classes. They've knocked down my old school and built flats there!
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The Oil Refinery
Such a wonderfully descriptive piece of writing. I think you show so much in this - the area, background of the two people, relationship and so much about the father. I felt the part about the Kelpies and your description of them set the mood for the rest. It certainly left me wanting to read more, yet was a nicely finished piece in its own right. (First story for me to read here and I definitely picked a good one!)
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What everyone has said above
What everyone has said above - especially about the writing between the lines. So pleased you managed to get funding for the MA, and I'm sure you will have a great time with it - best of luck! xx
Also, thank you for mentioning the kelpies which I'd never heard of before - they are spectacular!
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The opening sets the scene
The opening sets the scene effectively. and you get us into what has happened.The final paragraph is flawless, I see the man in front of me and can guess at the unmet needs on both sides.
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Dad's needs IMO do not
Dad's needs IMO do not include his daughter much and you convey her/and consequently our sadness, anger and resigned disappoinment very well.
I think old Dad is looking for love but it is hard for him to find what he is searching on a lasting basis because he has not grown up. A permanent little boy lost who feels has to live out the life of a big strong workingman. All he thinks he wants is a big strong safe accepting Womb to curl into.
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The lines, the paragraphs -
The lines, the paragraphs - it all moves forward slowly but there's such an undertone that you've set with the monolothic oil refinery that you cling to each carefully chosen word. That last sentence in the first paragraph is professional scene setting.
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This is our Story of the Week
This is our Story of the Week - Congratulations!
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