Tomorrow goes on forever

Cherry

By Highhat

Sun, 27 Nov 2011
  • 3259 reads
38 comments
 

Parched, scorched, starving,
near death-
360 degrees of dunes.

Yesterday was not a desert

emotions flowed freely,
erratically; covered in
constant drama.

Trouble had no other name.

Today the tongue is swollen
from the extreme exertion of
convincing the snakes
to back off;

speaking to them in an intelligible language,

only to be ridiculed by a self-effacing seeker of venom.
Which hypocrisy is this?
Shimmering on the horizon-

a mirage? An oasis?

Too tired, the struggle draining life from all limbs, senses….
a train of thought stops abruptly
as the sand sifts through a blistered mind.

Tomorrow keeps coming and goes on forever .

Certificate U
Poem
Drama

Comments

Submitted by Florian on
I think it should be longer.

Submitted by well-wisher on
A good description of how it feels to go through difficult times. I really feel sympathy for the person in this poem. I thought the line "360 degrees of dunes" was a good way of describing a situation with no way out. Hope I'm interpreting that line correctly. It would be good to read a follow up to this poem to find out wether things improved for this person. JoHn - "Ex amore victoria". ("From love comes victory".)

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Submitted by Highhat on
Blessing- thanks for reading ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
Florian- I think it should be longer too but it can't get any longer- it sort of came to a stand-still on it's own. ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks John - you really interpreted this as I wanted the meaning to come across. I don't think there will be a follow-up. (the fact that there was a tomorrow gives a bit of hope doesn't it?) ;)Pia

Submitted by Florian on
Hi Highhat - didn't mean to be so cryptic, got distracted. What I meant was that there is so much anguish packed in here and the imagery is working so well that more words are needed. I think you should get back into the desert, sweat some more and nudge it from very good to a great piece.

Submitted by Juniperus on
I think the length is perfect - To me it is a snapshot in time of a moment, a minute, a day of struggle against all that threatens to overwhelm us in this life - an excellent piece:)

Submitted by Highhat on
Thank you very much Florian- That is a very encouraging comment. I will look into it and try to develop it a bit further maybe. ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
Juniperus- that is a wonderful comment.Thank you ever so much. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm so glad you got something from it and I am so pleased you enjoyed it. atb ;)Pia

Submitted by shoe on
Striking metaphors and I really like the structure with the one liners, an excellent poem, I think the length is perfect and that last line is like a whiplash.

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Made my mouth dry, Pia! Love that last line and it works well in the title :) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Dear Shoe and Magic You really made my day with your comments. Thanks a mill. ;)Pia

Submitted by rjnewlyn on
Very good. And just as long as it needs to be. The desert imagery worked very well. Rob

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Rob. So pleased you thought my desert imagary was appealing. ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
I am so pleased with my cherry. Thanks Eds. ;)Pia

Submitted by Overthetop1 on
This is a great poem by any standards. As usual - you have reached my heart. I love the last line. It's the perfect length. So glad you got a cherry.

Overthetop1

Submitted by Highhat on
I am glad I could reach your heart OTT. That's great. Thanks for telling me. ;)Pia

Submitted by TVR on
Very nice, Pia, much enjoyed. sue

TVR

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Sue- glad you enjoyed. ;)Pia

Submitted by ScoZen on
A late visit to this one Pia. "...emotions flowed freely, erratically; covered in constant drama..." Such is life, well captured.
ScoZen

Submitted by Highhat on
It is pleasant when there isn't too much drama, I think. Thanks for stopping by ScoZen and leaving a comment. Much appreciated. Ha' det godt! ;)Pia

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Hi Pia, and yet again I'm late to this poem of yours, what can I say? but so sorry. I agreed with Blessing, this was a very dramatic piece, that said a lot about the struggles of every day life. But each new day that comes brings, new hope. I hope you are okay. Jenny.

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Hi Jenn- please don't apologize- I am so glad you found it and commented. Thanks a lot. I agree- we have to cling to hope. Hope you are on the mend! ;)Pia

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
"as the sand sifts through a blistered mind" such a powerful piece, anyone experiencing any sort of struggle will be able to relate

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Maggy- appreciate your words... ;)Pia

Submitted by MaliciousMudkip on
I really enjoyed this. Short and sweet but very powerful, I think the length of it is perfect.

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Highhat Well deserved poem. Intricately written. I too like last stanza line. As the sands sift through a blistered mind. No one ever knows,whats! round the corner,do they! cavalcaderl julie. Hope,love and charity.

Submitted by Highhat on
MMk glad you enjoyed this.. thanks for telling me ;)Pia

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks Julie

Submitted by hilary west on
This is quite stunning!

 

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