Why Feminism - Me too?
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By Ray Schaufeld
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Two nights ago I was kept awake by my neighbour battering his girlfriend. Today I was in my garden. It’s all hunky-dory now and he is on the phone doing his blokey bit chatting to his mate on his mobile.
‘yeh uh umm maybe pop round tomorrow um not sure.’ And something about a child’s birthday party, they have a small child.
I didn’t call 999. Because it ‘wasn’t that bad.’ There was banging and yelling but it didn’t sound like she needed emergency surgery.
They would HATE me if I got involved. I’m 35 years older, I own my terraced house. They rent. And the authorities do ‘multi-agency working.’ If they have a social worker that phone call would get passed on. Another meeting. Another black mark on their record. I would be that miserable old bag who got them into trouble. I’m not but I’m cynical. Why can’t they keep their Punch and Judy show until 5.30 am when I leave for work.
But let’s leave all the nightmare reasons for feminism and for why ‘me too’ isn’t called feminism to you. What I want to talk about is one or two of the whys before the now.
Why does awareness of women’s rights, the right to vote, the right to be free from sexual harassment come in waves? Sometimes we’re always on the news, always having the debates, sometimes it all goes quiet. Is ‘me too’ top of the pops newswise simply because we’ve all had it to here with Brexit?
I told you I was cynical. And rather than celebrating the centenary of married, property-owning women over thirty getting the vote why not have a birthday party for Greenham Common while the protesters are alive.
I’m old. Being old means having time to think. I used to be an unpaid worker for Stirling Women’s Aid helping with the office, the refuge and the phoneline when I was expecting my first child. I had left her father. I lost him on purpose after my second change of address and my training sessions verified the wisdom of my move.
We ran the phoneline, after the office closed each day, from our homes. My first night on the line was scary. I tried to nod off on the settee of my shared cottage in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by bright growing crops. Belly out to here in front of the telly, my daughter wriggled from side to side when she heard the familiar theme tune from Eastenders.
The phone rang. Thank g-d it was something I could fix! The call was from the refuge. The hot water had gone, seven women and twice as many babies and children were left with cold. I phoned an out of hours plumber.*
There has been plenty of research done on domestic violence, some by two sociologists at Stirling Uni. A married couple. Their names – Russell and Rebecca Dobash (!).
One thing that interests me now is why do some men not batter their women? One book told me domestic abuse comes from a toxic grid of expectations:
‘Male expectations of authority over women
And
Male expectations of services from women’
This explains workplace sexual harassment too. And at home it isn’t always men who are the aggressors, sometimes it's women. Or stroppy teenagers terrorising their mother, expecting her to be a servant and piggybank, rewarding her efforts with insults and squalor. Or the person who moves back in to care for a frail old parent, and finds they can’t cope.
Domestic abusers always say ‘sorry’. Often they speak from the heart. And it will never happen again. Lovey, dovey, huggy, kissy. Until the next time.
Workplace abusers deny everything.
So depressing. Why am I ranting on when the sun is out and the days are getting longer?
Perhaps men who do not batter or harass their wives or their junior staff are men who have all their expectations met. Or maybe they don’t expect too much. Or - breathe deep and take the 'big' view, perhaps 'people...'
I can tell you, if you remember my earlier question about why feminism ‘comes in waves’ the reason the second wave of feminism, the one I was active in, powered down after a long run, from the early 70s to the late 90s. It was voluntary work. Hardly any of us were paid and we got tired.
Bye now. I’ve got a non-violent man down the road and he’s cooked us Mulligatawney Soup. And yes I am still a feminist. Me too.
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*If we had left a list of emergency phone numbers at the refuge the women living there would have been able to call the plumber. Isn't hindsight great?
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Comments
You and me both, Elsie. We
You and me both, Elsie. We are of that same generation. I was a Rape Crisis counsellor twenty odd years ago, and an 'activist' for some years before that, and I get sick of the 'great and the good' saying now that 'no-one knew' about systematic and institutionalised abuse and harrassment. They only 'didn't know' because no-one would listen to the people telling them or, if they did listen, they quite simply didn't care.
I just love the idea of a Greenham Common birthday party!
I'm cynical too. We see these waves come and go. I'm all for the Hollywood glitterati making public statements, but I had to laugh when I heard that one fashion designer 'had to' remake a couple of Oscar night dresses in black. FFS. Buy a frock off the peg and give the money to a refuge, or buy some poor girl somewhere a decent education.
Good rant!
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Sounds like my Delilah. I
Sounds like my Delilah. I have the remains of yesterday's roast chicken in my fridge, and every time I open the door it's a fight to the death to stop her climbing in the damn thing. She tries to beat up my other cat, who could take her in a heartbeat if she had a mind to, but who just looks at her in a 'you and whose army' kind of way and goes back to sleep.
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This is
our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day, and is chosen because it is well-written, well-argued and thought-provoking.
Please share or retweet.
image is author's own.
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women bear the weight of the
women bear the weight of the world. World wide I'd say women's rights are on the retweet. With fuckers such as Trump as his bandwagon of hate on the march, it's easy to argue that he's the top of a wave, but really religious fundamentalism is as good an excuse as any to screw women. Power comes from where you stand and what you have. Those that have least have less to bargain with. I'll shut up now.
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Of course one should realise that
Of course one should realise that it is not only women and children that can be victim of abuse and domestic violence. We had a president who had five or six wives- all at the same time.
These things form patterns. At this stage by us you cannot go back and withdraw charges and accusations of domestic violence and close a case. Supposedly. This is an enormous problem throughout society and is self-perpetuating through generations.
Your story is well written Elsie I found it very interesting.
Tom
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Yes I think he should be able
Yes I think he should be able to count that far. I think he has concubines too and his one wife divorced him. Relax it is me who lost count. Glad it's not me one woman is already enough trouble.
Actually it's not so funny. Yes I'm South-African. We have a proper pesident now he has brilliant credentials. We all have good expectation and hope to again have a leader of Mandela's stature.
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This is our Story of the Week
This is our Story of the Week - Congratulations!
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I'm glad this is on the Home
I'm glad this is on the Home page as I'd missed it, and it's very good. I wondered why the me too thing is so big suddently, but can't be Brexit as America is all righteous about it too. My theory is mega companies trying to distract from not paying enough tax - divide and rule. Or maybe the coming mass unemployment of AI. Some body powerful enough to take the lid off a pot which has been bubbling thousands of years.
Cats are great symbol of equal rights I think. All female felines I know are feisty
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Congratulations on Story of the Week!
Congratulations on Story of the Week! Interesting, thought provoking and very well written.
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Hello Elsie,
Hello Elsie,
The argument you put forward here is a powerful one. I think women have always had to fight for what men take for granted. I think it was Golda Mairher, the Israeli Prime Minister who, when she was in power and was told that as there had been an increase in rapes they were going to put a curfew on women to keep them safe. She replied by saying something like 'No the women are not the problem, it is the men so any curfew should be directed at them. She made such an impression on me.
Probably spelt her name wrong though. Great writing, Elsie.
Moya x
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