Runaway Mother chapter 12

For the first time in four weeks I can actually go to bed and relax. I haven’t processed the revelation Zach surprised me with about deciding to adopt Ethan. I was too focused on coffee after he told me last night. I was too focused on the difference between a cappuccino and a dry cappuccino. I had dreams about tamping and how to put the designs on the top of the beverage. Now that I have my first full day of work under my belt and I’m comfortable handling Betsy, I play back in my mind the wave of relief that washed over me the second Zach shared his plan. I wasn’t sure he still would want to after a full day with the little man, but the image of them both running around like lunatics with underwear on their heads dissipates my apprehension. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can’t help but feel free!

 

As Tuesday comes around again, I get Ethan to move the ‘special’ magnet on the fridge and can see in his body language that he’s about to erupt in tears and begin moaning when the magnet lands on a star. I get down to his level and remind him about how much fun he had with Zach on Sunday. He looks at me and pulls ducky close.

‘I’m just going to work buddy!’ I try to ease his mind. ‘Remember when we went into town and you helped me give out those pieces of paper?’

He nods, his bottom lip beginning to tremble.

‘That’s where I work!’ I try to diffuse the situation quickly. ‘I work just in town and I’m never going away, ok!’ I tickle his belly and get a glance at his cheeky grin. ‘Besides,’ I look around like I’m about to tell him a secret and whisper in his ear, ‘I need you to make sure Zach does his homework!’

Happy at the fact that the little man was going up to get dressed and not throwing himself on the floor, which he did to my mother several times a day, I felt good about going to work. Its nice talking to people my own age, some of whom I had never met before the job.

 

When I arrive home from taming Betsy, I can hear Ethans laughter coming from the bathroom. I can’t help but be relieved he’s up after his bedtime so he can see me come home.

I quietly ascend the stairs and hear Zach telling him to go into his room and get dressed. I stand on the upstairs landing in wait for him to exit the bathroom. Once he see’s me his face lights up.

‘Mary!’ he shouts and runs into my arms.

‘See, didn’t I tell you I was coming home?’

‘Yes,’ his sweet innocent voice answers me.

‘What did you do today?’ I ask him as I’m down at his level rubbing the excess water from his hair.

‘Zach lost me!’ he says.

Zach exits the bathroom and I look up at him horror struck.

‘But then I found you in the garage playing with the Christmas ornaments, didn’t I?’ he looks at me wide eyed. It’s a look that means he’ll fill me in later.

‘Let’s get your jammies on!’

Ethan drags me by the hand into his room. To my surprise there is a box of clothes on his bed.

‘Did you get new clothes?’ I ask him.

He nods emphatically. ‘I got spiderman, and…and dinosaurs…and…’ he scratches his head trying to remember the contents of the box.

We look together to see if there are pyjamas in there by extracting each piece of clothing from what seems like a never-ending box. I lock eyes with Zach, some of these pieces came from high quality manufacturers.

In the end, I count three hoodies, eight t-shirts, four pairs of pants and five pairs of pyjamas. I go to lift the box from the bed to the floor to let Ethan get under the covers, and notice the box is unusually heavy. I inspect it further and there is a cardboard layer, under which I find books and a letter.

‘Did you see this?’ I ask Zach.

‘Well go and open it!’ he answers.

 

The letter reads:

To the recipient of the clothes,

My little boy says he’s ‘too grown up for these books, so I thought that your little boy might like them! I hope they bring as much joy and laughter as they did for us!

All the best,

Sadie.

 

‘We hit the motherload!’ Zach smiles at me.

‘The motherload indeed!’ I agree and take out three new books for us to read. I can’t help but smile at this ‘Sadie’ and how thoughtful she was.

‘Can I wear these ones?’ Ethan asks, picking out the pyjamas with the dinosaurs.

I smell them and notice that they have been recently washed. If I’m not mistaken, ironed too.

‘Of course you can buddy!’ Zach answers smiling at me.

It isn’t until he puts them on that its obvious as to how small his other ones were. I high five Zach, something Ethan wants to do also.

As I’m replacing his old clothes for the new ones, I notice that the t-shirts all have some sort of design or another on them. They scream Ethan!

When Zach blow dries his hair and I skim through the books, excited that I might get to read something other than ‘Goodnight Moon’! Of the three stories, there is ‘Cat in the Hat’, ‘Dinosaurs Rescue’ which included Paw Patrol, and ‘Winnie the Witch’. I knew exactly which one he was going to pick…’Dinosaur Rescue’!

He curls up in bed with ducky, his pyjamas big enough for him to grow, but not so big that they’re falling off him, and I present him with the new choices. I’m not surprised with his decision and lay down in bed beside him. We don’t even get to the end of the book before he’s asleep.

 

I throw a can of Fanta at Zach and it lands on his chest giving him a fright. He’s laying on the couch watching basketball, moving his feet enough for me to sit.

‘What did Ethan mean when he said you lost him?’ I ask getting straight to the point.

Zach begins to blush.

‘I want the whole story Zach,’ I say to him, ‘warts and all!’

He sits up and turns off the tv, letting his beverage rest for a minute.

‘Well….um…...’

‘Warts and all Zach!’ I say in a stern voice.

‘Ok,’ he begins, ‘so maybe he was missing for let’s say an hour!’ Zach recoils in the seat.

‘An hour!’ I look at him, my eyes wide.

‘I might have sat him in front of a movie and went out the front to practice my jump shot and run a few suicides….and…. well…’

‘…. well what?’ I gesticulate towards getting the story moving.

‘…when I came in to check on him, I couldn’t find him! I looked everywhere Mare, under the couch, all the rooms upstairs and down, but I just couldn’t find him!’

‘So what did you do?’ I asked, my brow furrowed.

‘I checked all the yards and even contemplated calling the cops…’

I choke on my drink. ‘…. what!!’

‘Don’t worry, I remembered our predicament and how they would split us up, so I kept looking, my heart in my mouth and eventually found him in the garage dressed up like a Christmas tree…minus the lights!’

Shock envelopes my body and I lay into Zach and he takes it like a man. ‘You chose basketball over looking after your own brother! Don’t you realise that he’s only four! He shouldn’t have been put in front of the tv, that’s not his sitter, but you are!’

‘Mare, you need to calm down or you’ll wake him!’

I stand up and run my fingers through my hair. ‘Do you know what a dick move that was? I mean to think a four-year-old could sit through a whole movie in one sitting? He has never in his life watched a movie start to finish in one sitting! Don’t…...if…...wha….!’ different scenarios run through my head. ‘He could have wanted a drink, or something to eat! How would he know where to find you?’

I wait until Zach realises a question is being thrown at him. His eyes are glassy and I wonder if he’s even listening to me.

‘Hello!’ I snap my fingers, ‘earth calling Zach!’

‘I’m so sorry Mare!’ tears begin to form in his eyes. ‘I don’t think I was ever as scared in my whole life!’ he closes his eyes tightly and tears run down his cheeks. ‘I thought I lost him Mare! I thought someone had taken him, or he was dead somewhere! I was petrified!’

The tears turn into Zach crying, something I hadn’t seen since he was younger. He sits on the edge of the couch and his body begins to convulse. I feel badly for laying into him so hard, so I sit beside him and rub his back trying to reassure him.

He looks up at me, ‘I thought I lost him!’ and buries his head in my shoulder. I rub his hair and wait for the tears to subside.

When he finally has nothing left, Zach looks up at me apologetically.

‘You found him and he was fine, that’s the main thing!’ I try to reassure him. ‘And honestly, he’s none the wiser. He probably had a whale of a time with the tinsel and ornaments!’

Zach shows the hint of a smile.  

‘But seriously dude, do you have to wear so much hair gel?’

He laughs and I rub my hand in his top which he playfully swats away.

‘You still want to adopt him?’ I ask getting serious again.

‘I have never wanted to do it more!’ Zach’s answer surprises me.

‘Really?’

‘Yea,’ he wipes his tears with the sleeve of his top. ‘I wasn’t 100% sure until I thought I lost him. I never want to feel like that again!’

I beam up at my older brother with pride. He’s a lucky little guy to have you as a brother!’ I say, and before Zach can say another word, I rub my hand in his top again and smile at him. I get up and begin to climb the stairs.

 

After such a busy day, I’m in no mood for homework. Instead I pass my mothers open bedroom door and double back. I enter it with trepidation and decide to lay on her bed trying to answer the age old question…where is she?

I can smell her perfume off of the sheets and my heart aches for her.

‘Where are you mom?’ I whisper out loud and can’t help but think that the mother I knew was not Carolyn Fisher, well not the real one anyhow!

The woman I knew was strong and brave and, yes, she could be hot headed, but she seemed to love us. That’s what it felt like anyhow! Doubt grows in my mind….’did she really love us or was it a front?’ I ask myself.

My mind travels back to The Mint Leaf and how I discovered she wrote poetry and read peoples palms. That was not the Carolyn Fisher I knew! Then again, I didn’t know they knew her as Caro either, or the fact they even existed.

‘Who are they mom? Who are Sienna, Blaze, Connie, Shadow and Thumper? And why did you feel you needed to hide them from us?’

I no longer see her as my mother, but an enigma! My eyes grow heavy.