Parcel for you....Part 11
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By Jane Hyphen
- 1647 reads
‘Spencer?’
‘Yes,’
‘Come here!’ Vanessa listened as he walked to the hall and stood over her. ‘These cartridges,’ she said, holding one up without looking at him, ‘I’m afraid we’ll have to put one inside you…asap.’
‘Oh,’ Spencer said as his hand slowly reached back and quite automatically obscured his backside in a gesture of protection.
She looked up suspiciously. ‘Have you done that before?’
He shook his head. ‘No..and I don’t know if I want to.’
Vanessa stood up, sighed and placed her hand on his arm. ‘Spencer, we have to, in order to safeguard all the complicated equipment inside you. It’ll be quick, come on, let's go upstairs to my bedroom.’
‘Why can’t we do it here,’ said Spencer, pointing at the stairs. ‘It’s ideal.’
‘No, somebody might look through the window.’
‘Oh,’ Spencer looked confused, ‘If somebody looks at us through the window, will it not work, won’t it go in properly?’
Vanessa was about to dismiss him but then caught herself. She thought carefully about his question. After all, there was nothing wrong with what they were doing; inserting a cartridge into a hole, in order to process foodstuffs was, in this case necessary but to a casual observer, it could appear inappropriate by normal standards of human behaviour, at least on a staircase ... .or was it? Vanessa was confused herself.
‘Yes and no. It might be distracting for me if I think somebody is watching us, so it's just better if we do it somewhere private. Maybe upstairs on the bed.’ She gestured for him to go up and she followed, clutching the cartridge, trying not to look at his bottom.
‘Now you pull down your trousers and your boxers and get on all fours on the bed. I’ll wash my hands.’ Vanessa watched herself in the bathroom cabinet mirror as she lathered up the soap on her hands. What a strange world I’m in now, she thought and she went into a sort of detached frame of mind as she entered the bedroom.
Spencer's behind was perfect in every way, there was nothing offensive about it. For a moment she paused, admiring the colour of his flesh, the strong curvature of his rump. It was rather like a racehorse. ‘My tummy feels a bit funny,’ he said.
Vanessa let out a concerned hum. There was nothing else for it. The chocolate fingers were clearly taking their toll on his undeveloped cyber organs. ‘Bend more!’ she said.
He lowered his shoulders towards the bed but then stopped suddenly. ‘Vanessa, it won’t work.’
‘Why not?’
‘Someone’s watching!’
‘What? Who?’ She looked around, horrified. There was Charlie, the cat, watching from the landing, his eyes fixed, wide and shiny, observing Vanessa, then Spencer’s bottom, then the cartridge, then back to Vanessa.
‘It’s okay, it’s just Charlie.’
‘But he’s watching, won’t you get distracted?’ Spencer said, cocking his head to the side.
‘No, he’s a cat. He’s not interested.’
‘Then why is he looking like that?’
Vanessa tutted. ‘He likes to understand everything, I think he’s just worried at this point, that’s all. He’s not interested, he’s worried!’
‘Should he be?’
‘No! He’s a cat, they don’t like procedures, medical stuff, that’s all.’
‘Oh alright. Just do it now then, please Vanessa.’
She took a deep breath, flipped the cartridge out of its wrapper and pushed it firmly into his body without hesitation. ‘All done!’ she said, clapping her hands together then parting them in a swipe motion. ‘Well, that was easy.’
Spencer got up carefully, he pulled up his boxer shorts and stared at Vanessa for a few seconds. ‘Thank you,’ he said, then he looked deep into her eyes and said, ‘And thank you for everything, for choosing me.’
‘Oh,’ Vanessa shook her head, she really needed a moment to herself to recover and began heading towards the door. ‘It’s fine, it was nothing.’
‘No really,’ Spencer said, blocking her way. ‘I feel so lucky to be here, in this beautiful house. You’re nothing like your mother, Vanessa. I could have ended up anywhere, just like when somebody buys a rabbit from the pet shop. It could die of loneliness in the hutch, it could starve or get too hot or get fed the wrong food and get an abscess but I feel safe. Right here, right now, I feel safe.’
‘You’re not a rabbit!’
‘No but in many ways I’m like one. I’m sensitive but I can be reproduced in no time, in the thousands, not identically but in a very similar format and I’m cuddly, I can give love but I could defend myself too and I’m cheap to keep. You can leave me alone for short periods but I’m better if I have company. My poop is inoffensive and I’m quiet. I know danger when I see it.’
Vanessa laughed but she saw that Spencer had a very serious face so she stopped. ‘Of course you’re safe here, Spencer. I’d never put you in danger.’
‘But that thing with your mother, it did scare me. I do experience fear, I have to in order to protect my functions. That’s how I was programmed, like a mammal, a machine-mannimal. This is a two way thing, Vanessa, it’s a relationship. I have to test you sometimes to see if you will protect me.’
Vanessa winced and shook her head, ‘Pull your trousers up,’ she said and watched as he slowly tucked himself in and fastened his flies. ‘What do you mean, test me?’
‘I knew those chocolate fingers would cause me harm but I thought that would be a good way to test you, to see how you would react, whether you would do the right thing and take action or leave me to it and just wait and see if I came to harm.’
‘Oh,’ Vanessa was quite shocked by this revelation. She had seen Spencer, at least in part, as a commodity, something she could control but now, increasingly, it seemed as if he might be controlling her. She studied his face and suddenly felt very alone again, threatened even. What if he wasn’t really on her side at all? ‘But what would have happened if I’d done nothing?’ she said without looking at him.
‘Well,’ Spencer sat down on the bed, ‘I could have had a malfunction, some corrosion on my parts, a catastrophic blockage perhaps. It might not have shown itself immediately but my constitution is delicate and somewhere down the line there would have been a cost to just doing nothing. It all gets logged see, experiences, your reactions, my reactions. Just like any life, things are noted, on some sort of file, mental files, digital files, it doesn’t matter. There’s a cost to everything, that’s it in a nutshell.’
‘Wow,’ she said. ‘I feel a bit scared now to be honest. You’re more human than a human.’
‘Don’t be frightened,’ Spencer said and he gestured for her to sit down next to him and it seemed so natural and inviting to her that she did and he put his arm around her shoulder and the other across her body in an embrace.
She felt suddenly as if he was protecting her now and she sort of forgot herself and just allowed herself to relax into the moment but after several seconds, the embrace changed. His arms stiffened and the encounter became oddly stagnant. After several more seconds, Vanessa broke out and freed herself from his arms. She looked up and saw that his eyes were staring ahead as if he were unconscious.
‘Spencer! Spencer!’ she called out, holding his shoulder and shaking it but nothing changed. She wondered perhaps if she’d inserted the cartridge too late.
In desperation, she lifted his top to look at his control panel. There in red, illuminated letters were the words, ‘Your husband is receiving an update. Do not proceed with activities until update is complete.’
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Comments
At least she doesn't have to
At least she doesn't have to reboot him! This continues to be excellent Jane - funny, understated and occasionally slightly disturbing. What more could you ask for on New Year's Day!
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I'm trying to imagine what
I'm trying to imagine what must be going through Vanessa's mind, to think that Spencer is testing her, is very scary indeed. I hope her logical mind gives her the right judgement on where to go from here.
You've really set the scene perfectly for so many scenarios.
Really enjoying Jane and a Happy New Year to you and yours.
Jenny.
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Brilliant, Jane and a perfect
Brilliant, Jane and a perfect read to cheer up a New Year's Day when I have to go back to work tomorrow! It's our Pick of the Day. Do share on social media.
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Ooh that's a cliffhanger
Ooh that's a cliffhanger ending. I like this shift to sentience that's unravelling.
"You're more human than a human".
It's a compelling read. Keep going!
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This story is so great, and
This story is so great, and after this I shall never approach changing my printer cartridges in quite the same frame of mind. Such a funny and unsettling tale. Lovely writing.
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Congratulations Jane - a
Congratulations Jane - a brilliant pick to start the year!
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Vanessa probably hadn't
Vanessa probably hadn't bargained on a testy male. She could easily find one of them in the pub.
I thought Spencer was going to spew his guts out the back end on the bed halfway through. Phew. A real treat of a story and it screams for televisual accompaniment, or at least a radio show, with Betty from Some Mothers as V, or Alan partridges secretary
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