Parcel for you..Part 17

 

Vanessa breathed a huge sigh of relief as Pat and Stu pulled away and disappeared down the street. Charlie trotted up to the front door and leaned against her legs. She scooped him up and held him close for a while to enjoy the familiar softness of his fur and the healing tones of his familiar purring. ‘Oh Charlie, what a strange evening. You are the only normal thing left in this world.’

 

She felt annoyed by her guests and wished she’d handled them a bit differently but she wasn’t really sure how. They had been fairly polite to Spencer but not respectful, they had treated him as a joke, something to gawp at. If it had only been Pat, she could have pushed back a bit but the presence of her new boyfriend made everything awkward.

 

Now she was imagining them gossiping and laughing on the drive home, making jokes at her expense, probably with the Hominids of Quasar playing in the stereo. I bet the music is crap, she thought, the sort of crap which is so weird that it makes people question whether they’re just too simple to appreciate it so the crapness goes unchallenged and reaches new heights. It was ridiculous, Pat didn’t even like niche music, she liked Take That and had recently purchased tickets for Lionel Richie. 

 

Imagining this scene, she found herself laughing, the joke was on them. Stu had turned out to be creepy, cringy, arrogant and very unlikable. In comparison, Spencer, for all his apparent shortcomings and worrying links to some cyber headquarters, at least he wasn’t pretentious and had some charm. She put Charlie down and went to check on her husband.

 

The dishwasher was almost stacked, the radio was on, the Beef Wellington baking tray was soaking in soapy water. Their kitchen felt peaceful now, a sanctuary. 

 

‘How do you think that went?’ she asked.

 

Spencer had put his apron back on and was thoroughly absorbed in his domestic duties. ‘I thought it went really well, they ate all the food I made. I’m sorry about the Yorkshire puddings. I set an alarm in my head but when it went off I thought I had set it to remind me to say something interesting about prog rock but Stu was already talking about it.

 

‘Oh don’t worry, Spencer. The food was great, no issues there. I was more concerned about the company. I felt like something…wasn’t quite right.’

 

‘There was something about this Stu,’ said Spencer as he carefully hand washed the wine glasses. ‘I’m not very experienced yet, in the art of meeting new people and making conversation. I tried to engage with him but there was something about Stu which was,’ he turned to her, ‘for me at least, completely unrewarding.’

 

Vanessa nodded. ‘Unrewarding yes! That’s exactly it. I felt like we had to sit and listen to all the wonderful things he was doing and yet, inspiring as they all sounded, afterwards I just felt bad. Bad about myself and him, and bad about Pat too.’

 

‘I don’t feel bad but I don’t feel like I achieved any networking which is disappointing because that part of me is still empty. It would be nice to know some people outside of this house.’

 

‘Don’t worry. In time you can get to know people but you need to remember that there’s a lot of people out there who are unrewarding, although I’ll admit, Stu was quite an extreme example. I must say I’m perplexed at what Pat sees in him.’ Vanessa grabbed a tea towel and sidled up to him, ‘Here let me dry the glasses.’

 

‘I think she’s impressed by all his credentials. You know, he’s a musician and he’s apparently successful and he could have been a pilot.’

 

‘But he isn’t one, he sells air conditioning.’

 

‘No Vanessa but he keeps mentioning it so that we all associate him with aviation, even though he has no connection to the industry. He’s full of tricks,’ he paused and suddenly looked very thoughtful for a robot, ‘I didn’t pick up on any of the flickers of emotions I normally expect to witness on real humans…except for when he mentioned Lady M.’

 

‘Lady M? Yes! That was his mother.’

 

Spencer looked at her and nodded slowly. ‘Pat needs to watch out.’

 

‘Mmm, I thought the same. The mother thing was a huge red flag, why doesn’t he just call her mum? It’s strange because Pat doesn’t normally meet weird men on holiday and rush headlong into things, not like this anyway.’

 

‘Maybe she’s feeling more alone now that we are husband and wife.’

 

Vanessa paused and nodded. ‘Yes, that’s very insightful, Spencer, you might be right.’

 

‘It’s just maths, you were one and now we’re two and she was one and you two are friends so she was keen to add one and make four.’

 

‘Pardon?’

 

‘I did try to connect with him through his obsession with plane crashes but he didn’t agree with me. I sensed he’s very envious of all those who’ve made it as pilots so he likes to research their mistakes and apportion blame. He likely tells himself that he would never have crashed that plane if only he had been the pilot himself.’

 

‘Maybe.’

 

‘You know I put all the information about him into my central computer and it came back with a few red flags and a couple of words.’

 

Vanessa was startled. ‘Really, you did that?’

 

‘Yes, my technology records all my interactions and assimilates them, just as you would, except I don’t miss anything and I don’t twist anything because I’m not subject to spite and fatigue like you.’

 

Vanessa’s eyes widened. ‘Spite? I don’t feel any spite.’

 

Spencer looked at her. ‘Are you sure?’

 

She shrugged. ‘Yes, quite sure. I want the best for Pat.’

 

‘Were you hoping that Stu would be very attractive, kind, intelligent, balanced, successful, interesting and perfect in every way?’

 

Vanessa thought about his question. ‘Yes….no, I don’t know. Perhaps not.’

 

‘If not then why not? 

 

‘I don’t know. I suppose I might feel some sort of a sting if she was with the perfect human male.’

 

‘And then you’d be waiting for them to split up, that would ease the sting?’

 

‘I don’t know. I’d have got used to it…over time. I’m not spiteful though Spencer, I’m not a spiteful person. I’m tired, I can’t disagree with that, I’m knackered actually. It’s very exhausting talking to people. I want to go to bed.’

 

‘You can go to bed. I’m almost finished here.’

 

‘Hey, I did get the red flags though, despite all my fatigue. I’m interested in what you meant by a couple of words.’

 

‘Dick, wanker, knob…’

 

Vanessa put her hand up to her mouth and started laughing. ‘Oh my god, Spencer!’

 

‘I believe all those words have the same meaning and then I also got sociopath and predator.’

 

‘Predator?’

 

‘Yes, that man was looking for something, hunting it and he was in stealth mode.’