A Victorian Lady's Memoirs Part Eight

We were brought together, recalling that I couldn't help gazing into Samuel's big blue eyes, this refined gentleman that I felt I'd known in another lifetime.

Glimpses of other men had no value, Samuel had my full attention, my mind swirling with emotions. I was suspended like Alice between two worlds, one that was elusive and waiting to be discovered, the other responsible with no consequences as we waltzed around and around.

When the music ended, he kissed my gloved hand, then asked: “what is your name?”

“Emily!” I announced in an excited fashion.

“Well Emily – as you know I'm Samuel. Would you join me for a stroll around the lake?”

“Yes! A walk would be most delightful,” I replied. There was still some natural light as we stepped out onto the huge lawn that spread down to the lake, the air warm enough for me not to need a cape as we intertwined our fingers.

We spoke on many subjects. I found out that he was traveling abroad in a years time to teach music. I told him about becoming a governess. It was as if we'd known each other for years, I felt comfortable in his company.

I'd quite forgotten about Julia and Miss Violet who were heard calling me in the distance. It was as if I'd been woken from a perfect dream. Even though I was only fifteen, it was my first and last encounter with real love at first sight.

Miss Violet said it was just a holiday romance, but I felt it was much more, and still do to this day. I've seen many golden dawns since that holiday, had my hand kissed by many suitors, but none has graced me like Samuel's.

Spending time together that holiday, he wanted to know all my hopes and dreams, as I did his. I recall we kissed in my uncle's hay barn, the first real kiss I'd ever experienced.

We'd frolicked in the fields. Went down to the beach, racing along the golden sand. Heard the cry of gulls as we watched the tide drift in and out from the privacy of dunes.

But it didn't last, like all good things my holiday came to an end. I had to say goodbye. We never encountered each other again. I felt sad knowing my very first love was just a holiday romance as Miss Violet had said.

***

Now as I sit here older and wiser, I often wonder about Samuel, whether he's married with children. How my own life would have turned out had I been tempted by his sudden proposal of marriage.

I wasn't ready for such a commitment being only fifteen, life had other plans, to follow my dreams of becoming a governess.

Being alone when I was young, gave me the freedom I needed. Now I have admittance to some regrets, wishing for that special someone who would be here to listen to my worries, share those burdens that weigh me down.

But now here I am sitting alone on this stormy night, sipping brandy while reading my memoirs, remembering family, regretting many opportunities missed.

I took the letter from Julia out of my purse and read again. She'd explained with sadness that she wouldn't be able to attend mama's funeral.

Julia married a local farmer's son and had three children. Between them they had a combined fortune, taking over Uncle Hugo's business when he died. I was so pleased for her, as it was what she'd always wanted.

But now It was time for me to turn over a new leaf on my journey of transformation, no matter the past life lessons.

The End.

Image free to use in the public domain.