Poor Penka’s Parting

 

Poor Penka’s Parting

 

1 May 2025, Thursday

We celebrated International Workers’ Day by not doing any work, which is what workers are supposed to do, but we are pensioners. For the sake of balance, I hope the workers will mark International Pensioners’ Day by not doing what we normally do. Will they manage without endless cups of coffee, pottering about aimlessly, singing along to old Serbian drinking songs at the tops of their voices and forgetting to zip their flies up?     

Our dentist and dog groomer (two separate people) didn’t have a day off work.  Priyatelkata and Gaïa the Shih Tzu, spent the morning with them respectively.

 

2 May 2025, Friday

What sort of people vote for this foetid Farage fiend? Apparently, their numbers swelled overnight, rather like Yersinia Pestis. I don’t think I’ve ever met one but I carry a bottle of Domestos with me at all times, just in case. Overnight they became particularly prevalent in Runcorn, a town I’ve never visited and now I’m sure I never will.

With her torso recently shorn, it was easier to identify and treat Gaïa’s ailments which included two broken teeth and a blocked anal gland. The vet suggested not letting her go on lasses’ nights out in Wakefield from now on.

 

3 May 2025, Saturday

As a week and a day had passed since Municipality Mustafa said he’d come at 5:00 p.m. to cut the grass in our field, we could only assume that his failure to appear was down to him having had his lips to the rakia bottle in celebration of Leeds United being crowned EFL Champions. Or maybe he’d already had a drop when he agreed to do the job and then, whilst waiting for the Alka Seltzer to kick in the following morning, the enormity of the task hit him. Who hasn’t said things whilst slightly tipsy that they’ve regretted later?

 

4 May 2025, Sunday

Balkan Holidays UK, a major British tour operator specializing in holidays to Bulgaria, announced that it has halted all its operations with immediate effect, resulting in the cancellation of every future booking. They’ve been doing cheap seaside holidays here since 1966. They say Europe’s unstable political climate is a major contributing factor behind their decision. I think this means they’ve realised we don’t want half a million tanked-up Reform UK voters weeing on our beaches every year. And mines from Ukraine occasionally floating about in the Black Sea probably take the edge off a stroll along the prom prom prom. 

 

5 May 2025, Monday

Morning sun shone bright on Malki Chiflik and I bought locally produced wine and coriander honey from the hippy chick up the hill. Dr Khrushchev said it’ll be ages before I die but, because I’ve a few years on him, I’ll be gone first.

Thunderstorms blighted the afternoon but YouTube let me watch live coverage of Glory Glory Leeds United’s open-top bus parade round Leeds city centre. More than three million filled the streets to cheer them. Everybody was there… Putin, Trump, Macron, Bono, Bobby Davro, Penelope Keith, my mate Dave, etc. A right old lump in the throat experience!

 

6 May 2025, Tuesday

Ederlezi, originally the Roma people’s day for rejoicing summer’s arrival, is called St George’s Day in more modern times. The custom is to eat lamb, drink beer and celebrate the work of the armed forces, but all of these contradict our way of life.

Courtesy of Facebook, we found Nikolay and Plamen to wage war on our triffid field. Likeable fellas who we renamed the Strimmer Twins. Things were going so well until mechanical failure hit. They needed duct tape for repairs but the shops were shut because of St George. Our comeuppance perhaps for being pinko pacifist party poopers.

 

7 May 2025, Wednesday

Having fasted overnight we went early for annual blood tests. The laboratory was a friendly place but we wished we’d taken lamb and beer with us.

The Strimmer Twins arrived with fully operational kit to complete our garden work for a price that had increased since the previous day. We gave them more than they asked for, which caused confusion.

Whilst visiting Glaswegian friends in Momin Sbor (Момин Сбор, meaning ‘young maidens’ gathering place’) we noticed a previously unnoticed beautiful stone cheshma (чешма, meaning ‘old Turkish drinking fountain’). A carved inscription said ‘Built in April 2025.’ Unbelievably, Glaswegian Brian isn’t a young maiden.

 

8 May 2025, Thursday

Habemus Papam! Olé! Olé!

At primary school in Middlesbrough, Sister Josephine told our entire class that if we were all good wee Catholics and we sent money away for the black babies, then one day any one of us could become the Pope.

At grammar school in Ireland the Reverend Robinson (a Presbyterian) taught us Latin, which I considered another step on my route to becoming the Roman Pontiff.

This evening a cardinal announced that they’d given the gig to a Chicago gadgey.

We had a night of thunder and lightning but no rain. Surely the wrath of Sister Josephine!

 

9 May 2025, Friday

With Ederlezi still on her mind, Priyatelkata bled sap from small branches on our fig trees which she simmered with goat’s milk and thyme to make a creamy kefir like the Roma people do. On boiled rice it was delicious. Stolen from the bowl in the fridge by means of dipping and licking a finger, it was magnificent.

I worked long hours beautifying garden parts too delicate for the Strimmer Twins to be trusted with. Sitting on the bench in a state of absolute exhaustion I felt that I was going in the opposite direction to the nature around me.

 

10 May 2025, Saturday

Long ago, I earned a living in an old pub in central Leeds where one of my responsibilities was to collect glasses from tables. Today we collected glasses in an establishment called Stanislav’s Specs Shop where we paid them a fortune. It rained all day so we regretted not having asked for those frames with the windscreen wipers like Elton John’s.

The weather forced us into the nearby Syrian restaurant where they serve the best homemade pizzas in Bulgaria. I had the albino Iranian beluga sturgeon topping while Priyatelkata went for the white Alba truffles… with beans, chips and tea.

 

11 May 2025, Sunday

A cherry tree was covered with hundreds of eastern tent caterpillars that had munched away half of the leaves in twenty-four hours. Priyatelkata consulted her big book of deadly potions. Soon after her garlic and elder brew had been sprayed on, they plummeted to the ground where hungry birds feasted on their marinated carcasses. 

We thought our tickets for the East European ethnic dancing show at the Palace of Culture were for this evening but on arrival we found a deserted venue and news that the event was scheduled for 5 November. Thank you USA for your ridiculous date formatting.

 

12 May 2025, Monday

During breakfast we saw two Eurasian golden orioles hopping about in a walnut tree. Some years we’ve had as many as eight visiting us. They come for the Rice Krispies.

Doctor Kruschev said my ultrasound scan showed all my internal organs to be the correct size and in the right place but blood test results indicated uric acid accumulations (gout) and Lyme disease. A strict diet and a trip to the disease lady at the polyclinic were recommended.

During our evening meal two storks flew low over our garden. They didn’t stop because they didn’t see anything worthwhile to eat.

 

13 May 2025, Tuesday

Priyatelkata endured the first round of treatment that would, on completion, give her a smile like American pianist and singer, Liberace. This afternoon, however, she had a smile like Irish pianist and singer, Shane MacGowan. I told her this and she laughed until the anaesthetic wore off. Sensitivity was such that food and drink were off her agenda.

On the other hand, 99% of my teeth remained intact so I could have eaten, but my rigorous good health regime dictated that I could only eat things that weren’t very nice, so I wondered what was the point of having teeth. 

 

14 May 2025, Wednesday

Early morning, I found Penka, our beautiful young cat, dead on the roadside. Wrapping her bloodied body in a bedsheet to bury in our wild garden where she used to play was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.

Heartbroken, we went to have summer tyres put on the car, seeing another dead cat on the dual carriageway en route. Desislava, the tyre centre owner, proudly introduced her cat’s three kittens playing outside her office. In the café next door, friends showed us photographs of all their pets, past and present.

We hardly spoke. A horrible day.

 

15 May 2025, Thursday

I’ve probably met many disease ladies but the one I saw at the polyclinic today had qualifications in diseases. Discussing symptoms that I’d presumed to be merely age related, she confirmed I had Lyme disease. The good news was that carrying a heavy bag of prescribed antibiotic and probiotic tablets home was the exercise I needed to help me with other health issues. The bad news was that I should only do moderate exercise while this Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, the worst of the symptoms, afflicted me.

Despite such intense tiredness, fretting over our dearly departed cat prevented me from sleeping. 

 

16 May 2025, Friday

Priyatelkata still suffered from oral sensitivity and bruising following Tuesday’s dental work. I cancelled my hiking trip in the Pirin mountains for health reasons, even though the end point would have been one of Europe’s healthiest places to be; the challenge having changed from avoiding falling off to avoiding nodding off. The weather, although sunny, was unseasonably chilly. The only comforting (i.e. stodgy) comfort food within the restrictions of our low-fat diet was boiled rice.

Aided by outdoor chairs, tables, umbrellas and a sweeping brush recovered from the darkest recesses of the shed, I prepared our sun terrace for summer.

 

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Image:

Penka.

 

Part Two:

Aura Urziceanu’s Lullaby Effect

Click on the link to read

 

And if you’d like to see a few recent photographs of where I live, click on this…

May at Home