Eriksay
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By love_writing
- 8198 reads
I wished to write
‘An ode to you’ – no, too thoughtless
too common
those words never reached the screen
and I wonder if they reached you
as I tried to recall
when I had sat on the bench
looking out at the dusted beach
and the turquoise glass sea and the smiles
of seaweed and the dunes they ran down
and I thought of you
by the charred out disposable bbq
and I wondered,
and I wondered,
if you were in the breeze as it blew my hair
up and around like thin threads on my face
if you were in that sea so clear so bright
like a child’s painting
if you were part of those dot to dot
mountains across, across the stillness
or if you were in him as he ran up
behind me, making me jump
him so full of life, of fun
that same little face.
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Comments
A very visual piece - I felt
A very visual piece - I felt I was there with you, feeling what you were feeling.
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beautiful - especially liked
beautiful - especially liked the ending
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Lovely pace. You move
Lovely pace. You move seamlessly from image to image. No jarring. I'm jealous.
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It feels monumental, looking
It feels monumental, looking out both bodily and visually as though the head is turned inside out. A striking sensation on reading it.
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Poem of the Week
I really like this - it says a lot in so few words. Against a very good week for poetry this is the one, in my humble opinion, that nicks it.
Photo credit: http://tinyurl.com/gmpy2f2
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There's was much joy in
There's was much joy in reading this, lw. Some sadness as well. This one will be in my head for a while.
Rich x
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Lovely poem. Resonated with
Lovely poem. Resonated with me. Quite sad. A loss of a partner, now in the child behind. Beautiful. I felt like I was there too, blinking in the breezes on the shore.
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A wonderful sense of
A wonderful sense of immediacy and an intensity of the moment. I really like the pared down style to give vivid images. I'm left with hair whipping my face and the taste of salt. Beautiful.
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This is our Poem of the Month
This is our Poem of the Month - congratulations!
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