My Other Life is
By Philip Sidney
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My other life is a peach
bare feet, warm sand
clear running water
mind, body, place
sweet blossom
contentment
gold, green
birdsong
sunlight
leaves
space
to be
me
but
this life
is a bitch
flea-ridden
tongue-lolling
down-trodden
whining, whining
hot breath and drool
night pacing, back-biting
sad eyes pleading don’t go
I think of my other life when
this one bites, stroke its head
feel warmth and tremble, I stay.
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Comments
Innovating writing,
Innovating writing, interesting idea and very cool ending Like it, Philip!
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Hi Helen
Hi Helen
What a clever way to write a poem - down to the nitty gritty and back again. Beautifully done.
Jean
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I like the way the contrast
I like the way the contrast after the calm of the first part starts to hit you. Really good.
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You seem to have an interest
You seem to have an interest in the physical shape of the poems! This reminded me of the 'Fib' form in which we had to compose as one stage of the Pentathlon competition a couple of years ago.
What you have written seems to be a picture of 'escapism versus perseverance'? Though there seemed a bit of a canine image about it? Rhiannon
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Oh, I was a bit slow, not
Oh, I was a bit slow, not picking up the peach/Porsche idea! I hadn't meant to decry escapism, or dreams, just thinking of their helping one on in perseverance in the present reality. Rhiannon
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You have no idea how much
You have no idea how much this cheered me up this morning. Just loved it.
Rich
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I left out bravo! and
I left out bravo! and brilliant.
Rich
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Loved the curve of this poem.
Loved the curve of this poem. Poets like Herbert used to do this. I think he did one that was butterfly shaped. Brilliant!
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Oh I missed this before
Oh I missed this before Philip - it's fantastic --congratulations!
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I missed it too PS. Wonderful
I missed it too PS. Wonderful poem. Love the structure of it. Well done on POTM.
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very well done
Simple and true. The life we have vs. the mirror image of the better one. Words and images flowed so well and I could relate to all of it. Thanks for a great read! loved it.
Penny4athought
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Beach
The poem certainly looks like a beach.
I'd love to have a name like Philip Sydney, Sounds like the name of a spy who also writes novels... like John Le Carre.
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I liked the shape too. It's
I liked the shape too. It's almost symmetrical but the slightly thicker end reflects the build up. And the thinest bit, the middle, hinges on the but! It's great when you don't plan a shape but it has a life of its own. It makes me think of my imagainary garden, The one I'll get when my get rich fairly slowly plan works out.
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