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Condition
'I think you will find that the conditions and cautions of this parternship have expired.' This is how he put it my banker boyfriend, his hair as set a s a scallop his tongue as scrubbed as a club latrine,
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- 1976 reads
That must have been hard
The first stanza of what I will write into a poem very soon.
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- 1590 reads
Nurps'n'Burps
'How many Nurps in a Burp?' I said
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- 1846 reads
My Dog is Not a B*ll*ck Coaster!
When you're sitting in my chair, Be careful what's already there.
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- 1800 reads
Romance
Written for my employers. They sometimes pay me in whisky for humorous, rhymy call centre-themed poems. I have a T-shirt proclaiming me the call centre poet.
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- 1086 reads
Stronger
I didn't build muscle today Or devout hours in the gym I did however realise I'm much more lovable than him
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- 1180 reads
Waiting
Sometimes you must sit and wait Trust to fortune, accept your fate...
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- 1389 reads
No Hope of Parole
..."Are you even listening to me?" she accused him, in a harsh and hurt tone which cut through the fog. To a lot of men, it would sound like a question, albeit a pissed off one. Nate knew differently. It was a statement. And if looks could kill, June would be put in prison without hope of parole...
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- 346 reads
Journal 16th-18th Sept
When asking the Universe for a man you can love unconditionally, who also loves you, ask for one who lives close by and mention that a monogamous sexual relationship is also a required part of the deal.
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- 992 reads
Journal 15th Sept
Sometimes you just have to get out of the house. Which can lead you to do out of character things. Not a bad rule to have. At least once a week.
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- 1022 reads
Journal 14th Sept
"I feel better than James Brown Was Not Was
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- 974 reads
While they cuddle under the duvet, their neighbours suffer from tinnitus
"They're not nearly as in love as we are. "Are we that sickening? "Nah. We don't even snog in public. "Except that one time, remember when we smooched in Heigham Park? "And all the children went momentarily blind? "Yeah. "Yeah.
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- 1388 reads
Playing with Fire
His voice still haunts me: "i will show you tonight, my fire phoenix!" Nervously, i paced around the entrance of the carnival. The "lantern festival" had already began. Where was he? I glanced one more around and went back looking at my feet, they were rather small for a seven year old girl, i thought.
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- 476 reads
What You Never Knew I meant to Say (Official Apology)
I never did get the chance to tell him. To this day he might not even realize what my motives were, I continue to let him believe what he wants. Everyone said that I would just make things worse. So i wrote out my offical apology, maybe one day he'll see it.
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- 940 reads
A Rainbow in The Storm
Stop please, not tonight, she thought.
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- 981 reads
The Bird Woman
The kisses were birds, thought Cal. Hummingbirds, probably. The caresses were the pre-game, the main event yet to come. He sighed to himself. He didn't feel sexy, or cute, or attractive in any way. He felt natural, and at ease; which was, in itself, a mirage. He was only fully at easy in the bird house, the curse of the passionate zoologist. Any erotica was related to birds. He didn't accept this to be inaccurate, or disturbed. Humanity, through all its elusive and brilliant history, had depicted sexual organs as animals. Women became birds: chicks, birds - even hen nights. They weren't really birds, of course. They were hot-blooded, intelligent mammals who gave birth to live young - and Cal was immune to them. The bird beside him now - what was her name, again? - was trying her best. Cal was comfortable, and his mind, lethargic in its comfortability, resumed to thinking about birds...
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- 404 reads


