What If

Gold cherry

By Bee

Tue, 12 Nov 2013
  • 7632 reads
37 comments
 

 

What if you don't know?

What if it's sunny outside,

or you are forced to make small talk 

about the weather - mild, grey,

cold, warm? Whatever!

 

What if you can't check your tears

as you keep your downcast gaze

upon the goods you scan

until it's time to take a payment 

and you raise your doll-glass eyes -

apologize as he asks you -

'Why so glum?' It's nothing.

 

But it's something.

It's everything and all of them back home.

Communications cut, the power lines 

knitted spaghetti nets of cables 

tangled amongst the rubble, the roofs of houses,

sticks and stones, the broken bones of ghosted homes.

 

In your mind, you're watching people 

stepping barefoot through the shrapnel of their lives.

Your mind is wandering through a junkyard city,

past the bloated corpses - unidentified, 

just numbers cranking up the death toll 

as it rises.

 

You scan the streets for their dear faces,

praying they were evacuated

to higher ground in time. Praying

they're alive.

 

But what if last week, you were laughing,

complaining about the weather,

and what if they've been counted?

The  customer, impatient -  asks you,

'What's the damage?'

You answer without thinking -

'Ten thousand, maybe more...'

 

Certificate 12
Poem
Other Non-fiction

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Very moving, and simply written as usual, Bee. Of course, nowadays there are so many living here from so many countries of the world, and that together with television and internet brings calamaties far away so near home. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Rhiannon. 

It's a girl who lives near me and works on the till at Tesco. Yesterday she was as I described in the writing and I asked her. She doesn't know anything yet, but her family who she always talks about with such longing, live by the sea and she can't find anything out.

Say a prayer for her,

Bee

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

I like the way you've woven the normal day to day with this crushing disaster undeniably in the background, also that churning realisation that until recently everything was normal, 'But what if last week, you were laughing,'. None of us know what's coming.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Jane.

We don't know what's around the corner. I guess it's all about finding ways to help right now. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and understand.

Bee

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

a very powerful peice - all the more powerful for its simplicity. Well done Bee

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you, insert.

Really  glad you thought it worked.

Bee

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

A very descriptive poem with good imagery, Bee. Slighty baffled by one line though: did you mean to say bearfoot or was that a typo?

All the best, Luigi.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Luigi. It was a mistake. Glad the description worked, though. 

Many thanks,

Bee

Submitted by a102866 on

I love the portentous dagger that you have placed above our unsuspecting minds. You have made a nice attempt to square two, polar opposites; fate and hope. I do think that stanza two runs counter to your theme. I would either omit it or change it. A very engaging poem!

Submitted by Bee on

Hi a102866.

glad you took so much from this. Thank you for your advice re verse 2, but I think I'll leave it just for now as it sort of sets the scene, I think. But I will think about what you have said.

Bee

Submitted by scratch on

I loved it Bee.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi scratch - that means a lot,

thank you.

Bee

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Bee - brilliant.

Tina

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you, Tina.

Bee

Submitted by denni1 on

Well done, honey ..

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks denni.

Bee

Submitted by Bee on

Dear Editor, thanks for the cherries.

Bee

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Hello Bee,

You have a shown wonderful empathy for peoples' suffering. You reminded us that events far away are actually never far from home. We see folks carry on their daily lives but we never usually know what problems and fears they carry with them.

You very cleverly laid this out in this piece and the final stanza really nails it. Terrific.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you very much, Ed, for such nice comments. I really appreciate your interest.

Bee

Submitted by VeraClark on

The fuss of Western lifestyles slams against the suffering abruptly. It makes the hit harder. You are very skilled at merging two viewpoints in a poem, Bee to represent the underdog or those suffering. This one is cracking.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Vera.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. 

Very much appreciated,

Bee

Submitted by jolono on

It worked Bee. Boy did it work! Killer line at the end " What's the damage?"

Brilliant.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Jolono.

Glad it came together in the end, that's good to know.

Thank you,

Bee

Submitted by Denzella on

Bee,

This is excellent.  What I like about all your poems are their accessibility yet you still manage to  pack a powerfull punch and this is no exception.  .Beautifully done.

Moya

 

Submitted by Bee on

Moya, thank you so much - that's really nice.

Bee

Submitted by Luke Neima on

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Submitted by Bee on

Thank you, Luke - the golden cherries were a nice surprise.

Bee

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Congratulations on your Golden Cherries, Bee. Thouroughly deserved.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks, Luigi - that's kind of you.

Bee

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

This poem was so moving Bee...to the point that I cannot imagine how this girl must be feeling,  not knowing how her family are and if they're still alive.  A tribute to all those who are suffering and thank you for sharing.  Well deserved of the gold cherries.   Jenny.

 

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