By Tom Brown
Psychologist: “What is the trouble?”
Patient: “It’s my memory.”
Psychologist: “And when did this trouble start?”
Patient: “What trouble?”
This dude came walking into the pub his head shrunk the size of a tennis ball no neck just shoulders flat and the little ball. Bit of fuzz…
His buddies shocked “Hey what happened Willy!!?”
“No man I was walking on the beach I checked this buggered up oil lamp thing. Picked it up shined up a bit check out my looks. A genie pops out! What a beauty!!”
“Three wishes Sir!!”
“I want a banquet, I want a feast for a king!”
Tables laid out with tropical fruits, punch, ice oysters crab and lobster.
“Sports cars, a Lamborghini Countach and a Ferrari!”
Out of the box! Shining! Yellow and Red!!
“Aaaaaww!! Can’t I have just a little head?!”
A man jumped from the roof of the Empire State building, passing forty stories he said:
“So far so good!!”
“We buried the bastard six months ago.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear, what was wrong with him?”
“He was dead.”
Two tramps on a park bench, the one:
“If yon tree doesn’t fall on my head I’ll live ‘till I die.”
On the park bench,
“There’s a nip in the air!”
Two drunks, the one:
“If a man cannot drink when he is alive, then how the hell can he drink when he’s dead?”
A yuppie stopped at the garage in his sparkling new luxury sedan to fill up with petrol. Two golf tees fell from his pocket.
The attendant: “What are those for?”
“To rest my balls on, when I drive.”
“Unreal! These new BM’s have everything!!”
What is a “specimen”?
It’s an astronaut from Soweto.
A rich old man was to marry a twenty year old girl. She insisted he go for a thorough check-up.
Doctor: “You’re in good health, but you know that sex can kill you?”
Old guy: “If she dies she dies.”
“What do you wear in bed?” Marilyn Monroe, “Chanel No. 5”
“Tell me, my son, what must one do in order to be absolved from sin?”
“Please Father, one has to sin.”
Oom Paul was asked to what he attributed his advanced age:
“I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I haven’t died.”
What is “a university”?
It is a fountain of wisdom where students go to drink,
Where false pearls are thrown at real swine!
“Why are we not all there? Because we’re all here!”
And, after sitting through a particularly boring lecture,
“I’ve just developed a new theory of eternity.”
So it’s the final exams!
If all else fails chew your pencil!!
There was a young man from Tuckit
Who’s cock was so long he could suck it
Rubbing his chin he said with a grin
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!
( Every one each is queer, save me and thee. And even thee…