Murder in the Tesco Express

Cherry

By Turlough

Tue, 03 Jun 2025
  • 1522 reads
18 comments
 

 

Murder in the Tesco Express

 

A saturnine young woman doomed to working at the till

Reeks of smoky bacon crisps and Poundland Clearasil

Worried sick throughout the day, did she forget to take her pill?

Would parents ostracise her and would Brooklyn love her still?

 

A dirty man with a dirty laugh and even dirtier mac

Thumbs glossy girlie magazines from the top shelf of the rack

Prays his lovely darling wife will someday soon come back

She’s lived in Rhyll the past six years with the butchest lumberjack

 

Every paid-up member of the Wiltshire Ku Klux Klan

Calls in to do some shopping for their dear beloved gran

With brain cells slightly fewer than the fabled Piltdown Man

Have they the nous to open up a John West sardines can?

 

Ranting to herself out loud whilst searching for a fix

A box of brutal Aussie wine and instant analgesics

The perfect early evening kitchen stove help-me-god mix

She’s two small hungry kids to feed but today it seems like six

 

A consumptive old collector of the deadliest diseases

Shares them with the clientele as he coughs up blood and sneezes

Just beside the fridge where all the butter and the cheese is

Concealing ham and pies in pockets are his greatest expertises

 

Hoodie-wearing juveniles demanding fags in packs of ten

‘You’ve asked me this five times today. I won’t tell you again!’

The manager snaps at misspent youths, in frustration snaps his pen

He used to live a happy life but can’t remember when

 

A well-known alcoholic's told by staff she can't buy gin

Her reply’s in words unladylike, making such an awful din

Instead she'll have some Special Brew, just half a dozen tins

Then clinging to a trolley vomits in the discount bin

 

Standing at the check-out with my pâté and brown bread

A tasty snack to end the day and leave me amply fed

But mayhem all around me overwhelms my mind with dread

So I leave them in the basket, hurry home and straight to bed

 

Image:

My own photograph. Surprisingly, I don’t have a photograph of the Chippenham Tesco shop in England’s West Country but, equally surprisingly, I do have a photograph of a Tesco shop in Slovakia’s capital.

 

Certificate 15
Poem
Poetry in Commotion
Humour
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by HarryC on

A good read to start the day!

'Every paid-up member of the Wiltshire Ku Klux Klan'

Haha!  We have a thriving Kent Knights of.  I'm surrounded by them. I keep quiet.

Submitted by Turlough on

Keeping quiet seems to be the best plan Harry. It scares me to think that we should be standing up to their sort.

Many thanks for reading.

Turlough

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Some fine rhythm and rhyme in this poem Turlough.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Thanks Jenny, and thanks for reading.

Turlough

Submitted by Ed Crane on

things seem to have changed since my great grandfather took his family out of Wiltshire. Having lived in a sleepy town in Norfolk it seems these things happen pretty much all over 

interesting layout for this poem

 

Submitted by Turlough on

It troubles me to think that what were once described as inner-city problems have spread to become inner-town and even inner-village problems.  

Many thanks to you for reading and leaving a comment.

Turlough

Submitted by Ed Crane on

My family name can be traced back to the area since the 12 century. There's a website detailing it.

My sister-in-law managed to get back to the 17th for our lot. We were pretty much all peasants apparently :) (but not the kind you find these days)

I left the UK in 1990   it does seem to have gone downhill since then. Things are changing here too sadly.

 

 

 

Submitted by Turlough on

My predecessors were all from Ireland, Scotland and the north of England so my little family were probably the first of our line to venture into Wiltshire. This came about because of a workplace relocation. I remember the day that the decision to move us away from Harrogate in North Yorkshire was announced. Our office manager went out to his car to get his road atlas so we could have a look to see exactly where Swindon was. 

I left the UK in 2016 to find a more peaceful life. It saddens me to say that things are deteriorating her too but only slowly and we're a long way behind what I left in Wiltshire. I'm confident that I'll be happy here for the rest of my days.

Turlough

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

There is something particularly bleak about the little Tesco Express shops isn't there? Bristling with security guards nowadays. Chippenham sounds grim!

 

Submitted by Turlough on

You're right IPFN but, in fairness to Tesco, I don't think they're alone in this and their little shops are really just a meeting point for society's problems. Shoplifters don't care about prices so even Waitrose and M&S are dragged into the cauldron. The stuff in the poem made me feel uncomfortable at the time but one balmy summer's evening when England were playing in a World Cup match, I went into the One Stop shop in Chippenham's medieval market place and was absolutely terrified.  

Chippenham was a nice place when we went to live there in the mid nineties but it went downhill rapidly during our time there. A strange coincidence!

The cherry award made it all worthwhile though, so thanks very much for that. 

Turlough

Submitted by Sooz006 on

Sneezes, Cheese is, expertises. 

Brilliant. 

A cracking poem that made me smile and wonder where I fit in, bound to be there somewhere. 

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Yes, and I managed to avoid saying anything bad about Barrow-in-Furness.

Turlough

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Hogarth with a keyboard :0) The character sketches are brilliant, and I love the tightness of the rhymes. So many wonderful bits, like the nous to open sardines :0)

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Many thanks Di.

The magic of Wiltshire lives on!

Turlough

Submitted by Dark Fox on

I used to live in chippenham. I loved working there but I do remember the tesco.

Kayleigh Nichols

Submitted by Turlough on

 

Aye, the place had some good points I suppose. The surrounding scenery was very nice.

Tesco was like a virus though. The one I've written about was on Pewsham housing estate but there were at least half a dozen others dotted around the town and there are even more there these days, I'm told. And I never go back.

I'm glad you have some happy memories.

Turlough

Submitted by celticman on

tesco, I remember it well. Like asda but a smaller hell. I'm a Lidl man now. Rushing up and down the aisle like a cow. I'm sure I'll see you there. Feed the bear!

 

Submitted by Turlough on

The nearest supermarket to where I live now is part of a Hungarian chain called CBA, which I assume stands for Can't Be Arsed. 

Turlough