White Noise

Gold cherry
Poem of the week

By skinner_jennifer

Mon, 14 Sep 2026
  • 892 reads
36 comments
 

Now I'm in the system riding on ocean

waves of chemotherapy and medication

deeper than anything I've known before,

needles bruise; feeding Pembrolizumab –

Aprepitant – Ondansetron.

 

Restore this malfunctioning body, let me

be pure...crush the enemy. I imagine good

cells as they glow in bright white light that

shimmers as I anticipate autumn's energy

for release of repressng heat.

 

But still now constant white noise combs my

hearing after fourth treatment, encompassed

reverberation, high pitched nuisance that's

depriving me of calm.

 

Gently awaken tranquility before petals open,

those spring colours transforming elegance that

spread memories of my youth, where breathing

space gives hope before reality kicks in leaving

chills to envelope my thoughts once again.

 

Certificate PG
Poem
Dear Diary
Journal
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Curtis Ray Jones on

Being at the mercy of an unseen enemy while the outside world is filled with hope and light must be awful. Your poem shares that with eloquence and strenghth, beauiful but painful a the same time

in my prayers Ray

Rayjones

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Ray,

my mood began to change during Saturday, it was as if a weight had been lifted. The fourth chemo took me nine days to recover from, which is worse than the other three treatments. It's left this high pitched ringing in my ears which is a nuisance, but I'm seeing the doctor on Thursday, so I'm going to mention it to him.

This poem came about at the weekend. I enjoyed writing it because I was able to get all my feelings down. I have to admit to being an autum and winter child, far better than the heat we experienced this summer.

Many thanks for sharing your kind thoughts and I appreciate your prayers which are truly welcome.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by insertponceyfre... on

I read in a comment you left on your previous update that you were having a good day today Jenny and I was so pleased to hear it - hurrah! And you've even found your muse and given us a poem. Well done and thank you. I hope to see many more very soon!

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi insert, it's good to be back after so long. I found my inspiration if only for a weekend and it felt good to get my feelings down. Having gone through nine days of hell on this fourth chemo treatment, I'm not looking forward to my fifth which is on Friday 25th September. It's horrible to think that I feel so much better, then I have to go through feeling like death once again. Chemotherapy seems to take a little bit more of me away every time, but at least I'm not coughing like I was, though funnily enough I still sleep sitting up even though I can sleep laying down, I suppose it's because I've got used to sleeping sitting upright for so long.

To be able to write again really builds my spirit up and it's so heart warming to know you and other readers like what I've written.

Thank you for being there for me insert and the cherries too.

Jenny. x

 

 

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Hurroo for the good cells!

Boo to the reverberation!

And three cheers for Jenny!

 

It’s great to see you back writing poetry Jenny. I get positive reverberations from that.

Good on you. x

Turlough

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Turlough, you always put a smile on my face smiley Yes those good cells keep fighting onwards and upwards. It is taking my body a lot longer to recover from each chemo treatment, and the medication though needed is hard to swallow because it leaves so many nasty stomach problems, but makes the nausea more bearable. I think I've taken more tablets in a few months than I've taken all my life so far.

It's really wonderful to be writing again. I can't tell you how much I've missed being here and feeling inspired to write. Your support is greatly appreciated always.

Jenny. x

 

Submitted by Turlough on

It’s wonderful to see you writing again Jenny, as you yourself have been greatly missed.

Despite the awful side effects, the millions of tablets you’re taking must be doing some good, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. I’m hoping it gets easier for you and we see more of your writing soon… but only if you’re feeling up to it.

Turlough

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Bless you Turlough, your kind words are much appreciated. I know the tablets help with side effects, but there are so many to rememberto take and to be honest I've never been one for taking a lot of medication up until now.

I saw the doctor yesterday and he seemed pleased with my scans, so I was very thankful the positive feedback. Also had another scan...again another hated thing to go through, because they put this stuff through a needle into your arm to get a clear picture of the lungs and chest, I was shaking like a leaf where I was dreading it so much, but I've got to go through this ever six weeks...yuck!

I.ve got my 5th chemo next friday 25th, but I've got blood tests to attend and so many dates to remember, then I have to be prepared to be zonked out for up to five to ten days again, which is all so strssful when life has to go on.

I will try and write, but my head's not really with it at the moment, but I'll write when I can.

Many thanks again Turlough.

Jenny. 

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Wow Jenny! What a lovely surprise to find your strong and honest and wonderfully descriptive poem :0) Brilliant you are able to write, have missed your poems so much! This is great, you sound like an explorer going through those huge waves like on the North Sea, then the hopefulness of the calm white light, but then like sleet and hail the storm closes round again. I am so happy that you slept well and found a moment of tranquility, and hope this will give you strength, that the clouds will clear and the white noise stops and you find your joy again soon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

It's lovely to be back writing again Di, I've felt so out of it for the summer, the only way I can describe it at the moment is euphoric, that's how being inspired to write again makes me feel. 

Between each treatment it's like riding waves in rough weather, then comes the calm ocean, only to be caught up in storms and choppy waters once again.

The nausea medication doesn't help either. plus the hydrocortisone steroid tablets which boost my immune system, you know Di I never realized just how many tablets I'd have to take being on chemo.

I am sleeping so much better, in fact when I'm well I try to stay up as long as I can, because I know once the chemo starts up again, I'll be sleeping day and night for at least five days. It's hard to plan anything at the moment, but I do try and make the most of each day I feel okay.

It was a real pleasure to read your comment and I thank you for taking the time to share your kind thoughts.

Jenny. x

 

Submitted by Ewan on

  I think you've captured enough of your feelings/situation/treatment to bring it home to people how difficult cancer treatment really is. Many (including my wife) have said that the treatment sometimes seems worse than the disease.

All of that aside, this is powerful poetry, and that's why it is today's pick of the day.

Do please share on your social media, fellow members.

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Oh Ewan, so many thanks for those lovely gold cherries, they put such a big smile on my face. You know your wife is right, the chemotherapy is worse than the cancer, it does take a little bit more of your spirit away with each treatment and changes your whole perspective on life. How much we take for granted when well and how returning to what used to be will never be the same. 

I live in hope that I will be cured, but know that even if the cancer is conquered it could return. When I feel well like I do now, it's as if I could take on the world, but I know I must calm down and know my limits, so don't plan much, just happy to still be alive.

Again thank you Ewan, and I hope your wife is cured completely.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

Hi Jenny

This is so beautiful in spite of knowing what ha inspired it. Such simple descrptive phrases which say so much.

The last stanza so inspiring with its looking forward to the beauties of Spring.

Please keep those positive thoughts.

Love Lindyx

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Lindy,

just knowing that you enjoyed my poem makes me very happy. Being motivated to write again after so long brings so much pleasure to writing. I can't tell you how mundane it's been for me feeling uninspired.

I'm grateful for your comment and thank you so much for taking the time to let me know your thoughts.Lindy.

Love Jenny. x

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

How wonderful that you can turn negative experiences into positive beautiful poetry, Jenny.  

Visualisation is a powerful healing tool, and as a gifted poet your visualisation has always been strong.

We are all thinking of you 

Kat x

PS if your 'white noise' is tinnitus then I can recommend getting hearing aids.  I have had tinnitus all my adult life, but when I have my hearing aids in it goes away (pretty much).

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Ah! Bless you Kat, Being inspired to write again is the best feeling. At the weekend I was just thinking about how chemo treatment makes me feel, and it was rough stormy waves that came to mind, followed by calm oceans of clear aqua blue waters, and that's how the poem came together.

Thank you for your suggestion of the hearing aid. I'm seeing the doctor on Thursday afternoon and having another scan done in the morning. I did get a phone call from the doctor saying there's been an improvement from my last scan, so I was over the moon, just hope it lasts and I will remain hopeful.

I've got a fifth chemo treatment on Friday 25th September...which I'm not looking forward to, but needs must, so have to make the most of this time I feel good.

Many thanks for your support and the lovely comment Kat.

Jenny. x

 

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

That's absolutely fantastic about the improvement well done !

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thanks Kat. yes

Jenny.

 

Submitted by marandina on

It's certainly a reason to rejoice that you are back writing, Jenny. You have done an amazing job of capturing such a difficult situation so eloquently and poetically. No mean feat, at all.

Take each day as it comes and I hope you keep taking steps forward on a road to full recovery.

Your friends are here for you x

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Bless you Paul, It's so good to be writing again and being appreciated really helps.

Went out for a walk today, not far but it felt so good to get some air and feel the breezes.

I certainly will take each day as it comes and hope I can make a full recovery. For now I'm happy and living with hope.

Thanks for your kind words which mean a lot.

Jenny. x

 

 

Submitted by hilary west on

So glad you have found the energy to write this lovely piece. It seems to scintillate through your suffering, detailing as it does all those spring colours we all want to see again. Marvellous !!!

hilary  smileyyes

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Hilary, it's always lovely to hear from you and thank you for thinking of me. I;m happy you liked my poem, it's always so much appreciated when readers ennjoy.

I had one bit of good news yesterday...my scan showed some improvement which I was so pleased to see, I just hope it continues to get better over time.

My 5th chemo is next friday 25th, but after get tinitus in my ears, I'm not looking forward to having more chemo pumped into my body, but it has to be done.

I hope you are well and enjoying the cooler weather and thank you again.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

That's brilliant you are sleeping well, AND you went outside for a walk! I am so glad your doctor says there is an improvement, that's the BEST NEWS :0) Maybe you are catching some of the energy around at this time of year, like the wild geese do :0) I am SO GLAD you are feeling creative again! Please don't worry about replying to this, I am just so happy for your news :0)

XXXXX

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Many thanks Di. yes smiley

Jenny. XXXX

 

Submitted by celticman on

hoping you can rise about it, jenny. 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I'm trying Jack, I'm trying. yes I always take each day as it comes and live in hope.

Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by marandina on

This is our poem of the week.

Congratulations!

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Paul, it's such an honour to recieve poem of the week. You know I never take anything for granted and this was such an unexpected surprise.. I really hope anyone suffering with cancer lives everyday with hope in their heart and maybe gets some comfort that they're not alone. I can honestly say that everyday is a gift and seeing this get poem of the week is very special for me.

Many thanks for caring and liking.

Jenny. xx

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

Well deserved Jenny.  Hope you don't feel too bad after the chemo yesterday. 

Do you remember my relative who has the same thing as you? He is four years into treatment now and just off on another holiday! Yes the treatment has been hard, especially at the start, but it has been very effective. 

Kat x

 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Kat,

thank you for your comment. It wasn't yesterday that I had my chemo, it's next Friday the 25th. I saw my Doctor on Thursday and got to see my scan. The cancer has shrunk a bit, so I'm very pleased with the treatment.

I'm happy for your relative and it's great he can go off on holiday, I hope he has a good time.

I couldn't believe it when I saw poem of the week, what a surprise, it made my weekend. smiley

Again thanks Kat.

Jenny. x

 

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