Torment

Cherry

By skinner_jennifer

Mon, 08 Jun 2026
  • 294 reads
28 comments
 

Dear diary...

Dealing with hostility, constant

blight that feeds off me – so evasive

still waiting for evaluation, when will

answers be given?

 

Mortality preoccupies incessantly

with each resolute breath, cradled

in my duvet...wrapped in dreams

where night carries me.

 

Darkness passes way too fast, not

in great hurry to meet the dawn,

being stolen from my visions as

light steals in.

 

Instead of trying to retrace reverie,

I'm caught between days and nights

of torment – with quiet breaks like

calm before a raging storm.

Certificate PG
Poem
Dear Diary
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by GlosKat on

Doesn't make me feel down at all, Jenny.  Just sympathetic.  Well done for posting it, I know it wasn't an easy decision. Kat x

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thank you so much Kat, I'm sitting here looking at the screen and tears are welling up in my eyes. Always the emotional me.

Jenny. xxx

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thank You very much for posting this, Jenny. Am trying to think of the right thing to say, and not managing it. I hope so much your medicine comes through soon. You are a true poet, to weave even this into words of such power and fragility. I wish you a goodnight's sleep with all my being

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Di your comments like a big friendly hug. I'm not doing well, but feeling the love from kind words.

It's been months and years of torment and now I've come to a point of feeling tired of life. I'm so glad that I achieved everything in my life when I was young and have no regrets at anything I did.

The cherries are wonderful and at least put my mind at rest that I did the right thing in putting the poem on.

Thank you and bless you Di.

Jenny. xxx

 

Submitted by insertponceyfre... on

I'm very glad you managed to share your poem in the end Jenny. We are all here for you xx

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Bless you insert, I must admit I find it easier to speak here, because I don't have to explain myself too much. I find it hard to describe my feelings when talking face to face with people, so tend to stay away, prefer being on my own. 

Feelings of loss are horrible and not knowing what the future holds, baving no control over my own body is pretty much how I'm feeling constantly now.

I really do appreciate that you;re all here for me and it means a lot,

Many thanks.

Jenny. xxx

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Jenny, do you know about Mary Oliver?

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/mary-oliver#tab-poems

she wrote about having lung cancer in one called Fourth Sign of the Zodiac

https://wildandpreciouslife0.wordpress.com/2016/12/27/the-fourth-sign-of...

When I first read her poems, she made be think about you

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

That's very kind of you to think of me Di. No I've never heard of Mary Oliver, will get around to reading her writing.. 

Thank you for thinking of me.

Jenny. xx

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Jenny, you are so much Loved here, sure I am not the only person who thinks of you all the time. Very glad you had a good night's sleep. Hope tonight is good, too
XXX

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

It truly makes me so happy to hear your words Di.

I'm so grateful to be here.

Many thanks 

Love 

Jenny. XXX

 

Submitted by rayjones on

your inner courage shines through like sunshine in this lovely hearbreaking poem

my heart breaks that you having to go though such pain

you are in my prayers, we are eternal Gods love is waiting for you now, the cross 

Ray 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Bless you Ray and thank you so much for your lovely words. I'm feeling a little better today, managed to get a good night's sleep last night.

I appreciate your prayers.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by marandina on

Those last few lines are incredibly moving. I feel for you, Jenny. I hope the dark days are replaced by brighter ones soon enough. Take care x

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Paul,

well I managed to get a good night's sleep last night, so feeling a bit better today and more myself.

Glad you liked my poem and thank you so much for letting me know, it's much appreciated.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Jenny, have you talked to the GP whether they can suggest somthings to bring some relief even though not healing? Rhiannon

PS Also, I think that Macmillan nurses can give all sorts of advice and suggestions with coping with these traumas.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Rhiannon,

I do have a Macmillan nurse who is available to me and I've also been given some medicine with morphine in.

I'm alright when I'm on my own and able to cry so I can get it all out of my system. Don't really like discussing it with other people, it makes me feel even more depressed.I cope in my own way.

I'm having a better day today, so I'm thankful for that.

But thank you for your advice.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Just to say, Jenny, that I understand the difficulty in starting to talk with others when you are so unwell, but that Macmillan nurse may well have good advice as to how to use the medicine, and also other tips from her experience of so many struggling,, and if you made contact, you might find her easy to get alongside, someone you quickly feel at home with and don't have to repeat how you are each time, but you'll know she uderstands after one meeting. Anyway, hope someone like that can be alongside, not just waiting for hospital appointments. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by HarryC on

I'm also glad you decided to post this, Jenny. Very powerful. It's always the waiting that does it.

My thoughts are with you. 

x

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thank you so much for your kind words Harry, Your thoughts are really appreciated.

Just having abc tales to write my feelings down, makes such a difference to me.

Jenny.

 

 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

Hi Jenny, so much heartache in this simple, yet so deep,poem. Your despair so evident. But please hang on to those 'quiet breaks.

Take care

Lindy

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Lindy,

I'm having one of those quiet breaks today. Had a good sleep last night and woke up feeling a lot better today. Thank you for your healing words, maybe they worked.

I always try to write from the heart, so I'm glad the poem worked. I have to admit it's a very emotional roller coaster of ups and downs, never knowing what's going to happen next, but I'm hanging in there and being patient.

Thank you Lindy.

Jenny. xx

 

Submitted by Frances Macaula... on

Well done on the Cherries.  

My favourite stanza is the last.  Stay strong, Jennifer.

"Instead of trying to retrace reverie,

I'm caught between days and nights

of torment – with quiet breaks like

calm before a raging storm."

Best,

Frances.

Soundcloud:  https://soundcloud.com/search?q=FrancesMF

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thank you Frances,

I'm glad those lines worked for you. Have to admit I do treasure those days when I at least feel a little more human and able to cope better.

I just miss my independance, having to rely on my partner to go out to the shops because I get breathless and start coughing. I hope when I start my treatment that life will become a little easier. I can't wait to go shopping again and look around for different foods to enjoy, it's amazing how we take our independance for granted, only appreciating it when it's gone.

Thank you again for your kind words.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by insertponceyfre... on

Jenny, most supermarkets and town centres too have places where you can get one of those powered buggy things - like an electric scooter that you sit on. It might make going out a bit easier. If your partner drives I'm sure you can get a disabled parking permit so you could park nearby. I think they are free if you need one

 

Submitted by GlosKat on

Jenny - all large Tesco supermarkets have a quiet hour Wednesday and Saturday, from 9am-10am.  My neighbour goes to the one in Cirencester because he doesn't like noisy and crowded environments.  They dim the lights and lower the checkouts noise.

When you are feeling better and up to going out shopping, one of those buggies Claudine is talking about sounds like a good idea.  If you went in one of the quiet times it would be less stressful for you.  

 https://www.tescoplc.com/we-re-launching-quiet-hour-permanently-in-stores-to-support-customers/

 

Submitted by hilary west on

Hi Jenny,

So sad to hear you are in torment. It's difficult to know what to say to make you feel better, just know you are loved by this community and we all appreciate everything you do. This poem captures the fears and frustrations you are experiencing so well and yet is not maudlin, just truthful.

hilary  broken heart 

 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Hilary,

just to be able to write my feelings down here is more than enough to make me happy. Knowing you understood how my poem came across means a lot.

Thank you so much.

Jenny. heart

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Rhiannon, Insert and Kat,

Thank you for your caring and understanding advice which I take on board and fully understand.

Much love.

Jenny.